Thank you.
Thank you for bringing the best in me despite my attitude, the distance, and my shortcomings. But, I guess things would definitely change. I miss you playing arranged songs for me in your guitar and will send it to me first before you post it online. I’m sorry for putting you in a situations where you find yourself useless and not capable because of our distance. I’ve always wanted to correct all of those, but fate must be funny, indeed. It ended. For the 4 years of being with you, waking up in the morning receiving texts, calls and voice messages until the day it came that I wasn’t able to receive any of those was the biggest plot twist of my life. It was hard knowing that I will no longer receive any of those, hear your voice nor see you face. We had fights, biggest and smallest fights, but I thought that we can still resolve it which we actually did to some, but that one night where you got tired and told me straight things that I should know. It hurts me. It pains me. And I know you too, you’ve always said that I am too emotional and too much to handle. I am sorry, mahal. The trauma that bought me up to life made me this. I am sorry for not giving you a chance, to change me I was too fool for myself that I thought I don’t need anybody. I was too broken. But sometimes, I know someday I will be fine and be fixed. I have been trying myself to be one every single day. After finishing my Med-degree, took the boards, but I failed and you left me was a turn over to the point I collapsed. I needed you, that’s all. Something happened to me, I was diagnosed in to that disease where I have to cancel my upcoming board exam because I needed that surgery. But you were no longer there that I thought you will be in my side no matter what happens. I was in the process of fixing myself my love. Fixing the relationship I know I should have done sooner, but since I was too captive to the thought things will be okay in its perfect timing because just then I realized that if I will never make a move nothing will eventually happen. I’m sorry for making you cry and blaming yourself towards me. I want to apologize for being too emotional. I grew up not being beaten, but being emotional damaged by the expectations and standards that the people around me was set for me that I should do this and that. Some days I wasn’t thinking through because of the responsibilities I need to take cover and something would happen, I would get angry to you and you get angry to me, and then the flame goes on and on. I am not in the position to keep you on hold because I want you to be happy. I want to feel that you’re worthy with or without me. I am sorry for being clingy because maybe they were right, I haven’t felt that kind of love before. The love you gave me, especially when I met your family. They were your everything and that was the purest love I have ever seen in my whole life. In my family, you know how much rivalry of wealth they do, and I tell everything to you. I have already told you how desperate I am to be not here anymore, but for some reason I can’t because of my Papa and Kuya. I felt so belong in your family that in my whole life I never thought I would never receive a purest mother’s hug. I shed tears in front of you Mama for her sharing how you built your life, the life you have right now because reflecting everything towards mine is way far different. You inspired me in various ways. You taught me how to embrace my imperfections despite of the person I am. You loved me. Yes, you loved me. Sometimes, I would tell myself that maybe one day that you will chat me and then you will say how you miss me because my love, I miss you not just so but much. I miss you so much. The process of healing was way too difficult. My family knew about my situation, but something’s that I kept in private, kept it for myself. I’ve done every possible things to make me forget you, but ang hirap naman. Every time they mention your name, I skipped a beat. But there is nothing I can do when love is no longer there. It pains me, every single day. But now, maybe I can’t win you back. You have closed your heart towards mine and if I still force myself in what’s my win? Nothing.
To my greatest love, I will always be here for you when you think that the world hates you. Please know that you can run in me when you feel that you lost everything. I will always be your #1 fan. In this longest line of people who wants to congratulate the success you have in life even if you can’t see me I will always be there in the corner, supporting you. I want you to achieve your desires in life with your family and to whoever you will be with soon. I hope she will make you happy and give you all the love that you deserve. I wish that your Mama will be there watching as his son takes his world into a new one. And I pray for you every day.
And above everything- I hope that whatever you love, loves you back.
Have faith and ALWAYS BE KIND.
All love, the lost turtle.
