I was kind of rethinking my relationship with you and how it does affect me and my life in so many ways. You know everything is so great with you. You are my biggest fan, I can see that. You wanted me to go out of my comfort zone and explore every possibility and opportunity that may come my way. Seriously speaking, you made me feel things. You made me do things I didn’t know I’m capable of doing. You made me see life from a whole new perspective. You made me more appreciative of everything I have and may have along the way. You made me calm and less reactive to things, especially those things that don’t contribute to my whole being. You know what I mean, right?
Almost 2 years ago, I was heartbroken. I’ve been broken since I ended my last relationship. I swore to God and all the saints that hearing me that night I will and would not fall in love again. Love can bit scary, right? It took so much toll on me, especially emotionally because I’m a very emotional person. I don’t know if I could survive another heartbreak and I don’t think I could be the same again. You know, I think love is amazing. I know deep in my heart I will always choose love but I can’t imagine the pain that I might get along the way. Fuck that. I’m scared, right, but my standpoint about love is way deeper than that. Love is not just about cuddling every day, getting butterflies in your stomach, or being silly with each other. It’s more than that.
Love for me is… someone who would still want me after 20 or 50 years. Or someone who still wants to be with me if I did terrible things. Love is… still wanting the same person despite all the odds and trials that may come with your relationship. I want a deep connection. My vision of love is so much more than the things that the couple would do. Love means so much to me. I know sometimes I’m having a hard time opening up my feelings and it’s making you frustrated. I know that’s frustrating. I get that. You get mad and I think that’s fair enough. You can’t read my mind so I need to speak about the things that linger inside my head. And you know what? I thank you for that. You’ve been very careful with me. I feel heard and understood which I didn’t experience in my past relationships. You made me feel that all my emotions are valid and I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for having those emotions. You made me feel that I’m capable of anything. What like about you is… You cheer me up whenever I’m so scared to take a new step or to try new things. You were always like “Go, lovey! You can do it” and those words mean so much even though I didn’t stress it enough. It gave me so much confidence. I’m confident that whatever the outcome, I can always go back to you and you will welcome me with open arms without hesitations and with words like “You did well. Still, I’m so proud of you, baby”.
I guess I spoke so much but the bottom line of this is… Love for me is you. You made me a better person. You made me feel heard. You made me happy as no one does. Like this happiness is so much. So much for my heart. It’s overwhelming. You made me wanna live my life. You made me realize that things happened the way it is because it has to happen that way, right? You made me realize so many things that I didn’t anticipate before stepping into this relationship with you. You are more than just my person. You are my life now, my choice, my home, my baby, my love. You are the love of my life. Sounds cheesy but everything I’ve said is true. You gave me so much love. You gave me everything and I couldn’t ask for me.
I love you, Ron. I love everything about you. I love everything you hate about yourself. I love you so much. I love you and I’m sure as hell that won’t change even after 50 years. I love you and you matter to me. I love you, my love. You made me the happiest.
I love you, always.
I love you, always… But I guess, our love story didn’t end the way we want. My dream to be with you for the next 50 years will never gonna happen. We almost made it, right? I’m still thankful for everything that we did. For every memory we shared. Thank you because you made me the happiest. Thank you, love. It hurts but I can do this. We need to go our separate ways to find ourselves. I will be better, I promise. I love you.
It’s still you. It will always be you.
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