Many of us wants to be the first and last or first or last for someone. We treat relationship as a status and a race, but should we?
An only child, first-born to both sides of the family, I grew up somehow having a sense entitlement of being the first, until him.
If I were to be asked what type of man I would like to be with, of course I would not initially say
“Gusto ko hindi ako yung una”
But here I am, in that situation. Of course, it should not become a big deal… right?
Sinabi ko na ata lahat ng pep talk na pwede ko sabihin sa sarili ko just convince my whole being na okay lang, na naiintidihan ko
But still, deep inside I know it affects me, so much that he has an ex.
I stalked (please kung sino man makakabasa nito, wag nyo na i-attempt gawin haha)
I saw how happy you were back then thinking “I never saw you as happy like that with me”
I poisoned my own mind, I invited insecurity and later, compared what we have to what you had, hurted him because I’m hurting para sa isang bagay na ako din ang gumawa.
I know it’s immature and to be honest I am afraid, kahit na cliché na advice na yung “There is no fear in love” but it is a truth that I lose sight of.
So, how to become the Next best girlfriend?
- You’re not in a competition.
When I was 12, I remembered my tita reading a book on how to become attractive so the boys will go crazy over you and it disgust me. I always have this thought that love is not something you can manipulate. It’s good to fix yourself, to look good, to upgrade what you have but only if you have good and pure intentions. It’s tiring to compete with someone or something where ikaw lang din ang kalaban.
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31: 29-30
- Be wise and kind.
It’s important to know why you want to enter a relationship and who you are in a relationship and to know who you are loving, the process of entering a relationship is also vital hindi lang yung kapag nasa relationship ka na. If you know sa sarili mo na wala sa standard mo or hindi mo kaya na hindi ikaw yung una then have x10 thoughts and prayer about it para hindi dumating sa point na you will use your partners past as a weapon against him or her.
When I met him, he wasn’t my first either I had crushes and flings of course and admit that I have given parts or moments of me that I wish I reserved for him though what he had with other girls are more extreme and it lasts longer with meet the parents, adventures together and all. I also experienced being introduced during Christmas but the relatives intentionally ask where the ex is in front of me (huhu sakit) BUT we must learn to forgive and accept each other’s past just as how God accepted us for the sins we committed and understand just as how God extended patience and understanding to us. And embrace that person for who they are past, present and future versions of them.
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8
And us alone can never provide a love that heals or brings growth, we need God, the very source of love to make it happen. It easy to love someone when it’s convenient but can you call it “love” if you only want the person when its easy? Remember that,
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5