It came to me again, the defeat of falling into temptation

Chains of guilt that will wipe out the things that you’re once sure of.

From being loved to being nothing, meaningless and unworthy,

Left the confidence of salvation, thinking that I’m the hopeless of them all

and maybe it’s better this way, maybe it’s not for me at all.

 

It came to me again, the mistakes of the past,

anger and helplessness ranging for paying the mistakes I did not commit,

while drowning on the mistakes and stupidity I’m aware of.

 

How tragic it is to lose the winning side in a snap and fall back to depression.

 

And yet, you need to show up to the unending battle regardless if you’re beaten up

and shush the voices in your mind,

fake a smile as if you’re happy to interact with people

when all you want to do is hide

 

Say “Yeah, I’m okay” ‘cause who are we fooling here?

We all know that most of us never cared,

We always claim and promise someone

“I’m here for you” not for the person to feel better

But for you to feel good of yourself

As if you’re a caring person,

But No, you don’t know the weight of that sentence.

 

It came to me again, the isolation, the faking and the drowning.

It came to me again and this time there’s no coming back to light.

 

image from: dsirrachel , https://sosyol.com/tag/drowning/