You do note is da pek.
“Hindi ka Mondragon.
HINDI KANA MAGIGING MONDRAGON.
INIWAN KANA NI MONDRAGON.”
These are the words I always hear from my bully friends when you choose to turn your back from me. I laugh that time but deep within my heart that its true– I will no longer bear those beautiful surname of yours. We plan but it seems we’re not going that way anymore.
That day when you chose to broke up with me, my mind and heart are in thug of war game. My heart screams “I need you, don’t leave.” But my mind says, “this is the right time for breakthrough”. The only words that I can utter that time, “if this is what you want then let it be” with just a loud cry and that night our relationship ended. Its sad but we have too. Its because our relationship isn’t glorifying God anymore.
I accept that reasons. I’m okay with that. I understand.
But this “pokmaru” in me always insisting and hoping for great epic comeback. Yes, the pokmaru in me won, you’re back but we decide not to commit. Its the most stupid decision, lowering my guard because of my “karupokan”.
In those lovely months with full of plans, words of promises and kilig moments together with you, my pokmaru heart hope again that we’ll be okay. However, its just a taste of sweet surface, when November 1 came you became cold and became a living ghost. I was left hanging and so desperate to have answers of all my “whys”.
In just a short period of time, I found out that “nag.bago ka kasi may bago na.” I can no longer insist “walang tayo eh”.
I tried to beg for answers but it’s nothing, I cant find any answers.
Today, as I seen your post with that new girl — I didn’t cry, there’s pain in my heart but ubos na lahat nang luha for you and I just said to myself, ITS ENOUGH.
I’m still in pain, having a mind full of “whys” but this season teach me the following:
1. Obey God. No matter what happens even its too painful because the more you say No to His instructions the more pain to come.
2. My happiness and security must not be base on what I have. He/she may loved you but I must not forget that the person cant complete me only God can. He can give full security and satisfaction.
3. In relationship don’t give the full 100% give at least 30% for myself. When the season of the relationship didn’t end well you have that 30% to stand again.
4. Peace of mind cant just be attain because your “whys” are answered. Not all questions are necessary to be answered just let the happenings in the future will answer it. It is only the presence of God that will give you full peace of mind.
5. All works together for good. I may not understand this piece of the puzzle right now but in the future the great revelation of the Big Picture, I can understand why this happen.
6. Forgiveness is a choice and a decision just like Love. Forgiving a person without hearing an apology from them is a brave decision.
7. Admitting that you’re aint enough. Both of you can commit mistakes and lapses. As my Learning #2 only God can give full satisfaction.
8. Pain is good. It gives lesson and endurance when you overcome. Its part of life.
9. Not all good in our eyes are good and beneficial for us.
10. Acceptance. My season is changing got to learn to live without you by my side.
To you my dear, I thank you for those years that you loved me. Thank you for all those good and bad memories. You are part of my life puzzle. You are significant in my life and I thank God for allowing you to be part of it.
I pray that I may be totally healed and soon when our path intersects again I can give you the best smile, that kind of smile that I gave you when we first met.
I’m perplexed, crushed but not destroyed by God’s grace!
