The beauty of someone’s becoming does not always consist of events or things that create fireworks, butterflies, or unicorns in the caverns of our hearts. Sometimes, its beauty is in the form of brevity, coming out of a wreckage after finally realizing that it is no longer worthy to ache over hearts that failed to appreciate the home we made for them inside of our chests. Because cliché as it may seem, the beauty of becoming lies on our ability to let go and let God.
Just recently, I dealt with a heartbreak. A romantic relationship that started out too soon and ended up just the same. None of my friends knew about it not until when it ended. I had an agreement with myself that the guy has to go public before me that’s why I kept a mum about it. For almost 2 years, I never really came close to dating men. I was too careful to go through another failed relationship. It wasn’t that I was being picky I guess, I think I was more of a discerning woman. Few months ago, I wrote about being single in my late 20’s (Single in her late 20’s) and talked about myself not being reciprocal to other men’s interest despite desiring to one day meeting “the one”. I just felt they didn’t fit the bill or perhaps, I was plainly unmoved. Sure, I was actively waiting but I wasn’t desperate either- I knew someone out there will be the “real deal”. To make the long story short, I met a man I finally dated. I see some potential here, I said and day by day, I was loving the idea of it, of him. Certainly there was a connection (I’ve been longing for that! I always want to consider the essentiality of connection in romantic relationships). We had the same wavelength, I laugh at his humor, I admired his totality regardless of his flaws. I swooned over the idea of the probability that he was “the one”. His gestures were grand and sweet, I can’t resist. The discerning woman that I am went oblivious. I skipped the red flags despite its glaring presence because why not, I saw “potential”. But the Lord’s grace and faithfulness covered me , with a plot twist I didn’t expect. The relationship went downhill ahead of us before we know it. A short-lived reverie I wasn’t ready to embark on. Stunned, I ached for its early demise.
Sure, it was a bitter pill to swallow. I don’t think people get happy when relationships don’t work out especially for people like me who has so much love in her heart to pour out for someone she adores. But realizing how God’s covering can be a blessing, it was easier for me to accept that it wasn’t for me-just yet. Maybe the Lord is teaching me something I was stubborn to learn. You see, it pays to be obedient for it will cost you pain. Could it be that I was more attuned to His leading, I could have saved my heart from the ache.
Trust me when I say that God’s faithfulness is not limited to what He gives but also with what He takes away. There is no unit of measurement quantifiable to get the specific parameters of unconditional love let alone we speak of its tangibility. In many instances, we feel like we are being deprived of good things when we experience pain and difficulty in life . It can be critical to think that the Lord withholds some things from us because we always thought of Him as someone who gives, who provides, who over pours-not someone who takes away. But understanding who He really is, we can begin to examine that God’s love can be unpleasant and excruciating at times leaving us baffled why He allows us to undergo suffering. Nobody said it was easy, not even Him- but doing what’s best for us may require discomfort at first just so we can arrive to where He sees best for us. It can be really overwhelming thus He says, “fear not for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you in my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
I even remember the story of Job -of how everything was taken away from him-YES! EVERYTHING! his money, possessions, family, even health. But has remained steadfast in his faith regardless of the circumstance and voila! The Lord has given him not just what he lost but far exceedingly what he has prayed for.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted -Job 9:10
Sometimes, all we need is a shift in perspective. To experience the glorious promise of Christ, we cannot walk with anger, bitterness and resentment, only complete surrender. Because truth is, it’s not you, not even me- only God’s plan that will always make sense at the end of the day.
