Lately, I just feel so in love with this man who apparently loves a lady who is definitely not me.
Each day, I adore him, not because he’s perfect… as a matter of fact, he’s not even close to being one.
Ironic isn’t it? A lot of people fall for another, mostly because of their good qualities, but here I am, falling for the dirty manners and rocky attitude of this man I so-call, friend.
If voting for the most sparkling friendship is valid to make a couple, then probably, we’d end up being one. Easy to say, but to think that we could become one is an irony, at least for him who thinks of me as the last woman he’s gonna fall in love with.
He doesn’t see me as lovely. He doesn’t even see me as a lady. Wanna know what hurts most? I’d do anything just for him to love me back but sadly, he’d do anything just to not fall for me.
Am I sick? Am I ugly? Am I dumb? Well, probably, for him, I am.
To think that he just treasures our friendship so much that he doesn’t want to ruin it by falling in love is a luxury for me. It’s probably just a lame excuse for me not to think that he’s just not that into me.
So now, I am writing this to remind me of how I hope and pray that after a few months, I should be a trained version of myself.
Trained to not care about anything that he says… trained to not bother whether he cares or not… trained to not give attention to everything that relates to him.
I don’t wanna be that girlfriend-wanna-be for him. I don’t wanna get his attention anymore. I don’t wanna beg for some time and a bit of love from him.
I wanna be that woman who waits patiently for the man God has in mind for her. I wanna be that woman who prays to God all the days of her life. I wanna be that woman who loves God and seeks His attention, rather than this man’s.
To the one who’s reading and relating to this, I just pray that soon, you would not be that desperate woman who begs for his love anymore; understanding that love doesn’t have to be asked forcefully, because love, true love, is given… joyfully and voluntarily.
