It’s a sad truth that we are all walking around these masks. We hide away those part of us that makes us human — the parts that made us into who are we are today, the parts that are the cornerstone of our stories, our lessons, our scars. We leave the things we are ashamed of, the mistakes that we have made, the people we have hurt, the hearts we turned our back to. We give up too soon, we give up that easily. We give up without any second thoughts.
We don’t get to know people. We fear that they will just take us for granted, that they will eventually leave when things get complexing, when they see our scars, our bruises, our flaws. We convince ourselves that they will never comprehend what we’ve been through, that they will never understand the level of our pain, the amount of our sacrifices. We fear that they will always leave us for what can be the next best things. We are afraid that for the nth time, we will always end up consoling ourselves, patching the deepest wounds they will soon create.
But we are wrong. Because we are not the only human beings to have felt the loss deep in our bones, deep in our souls. We are not the only one who seems like the hearts are no longer irreperable. We are not the only one who have stories within us, we are not the only one who are building walls and creating such distance. We are not the only one who are left with confusion, who are torn between now or never. We are not the only one who are left with uncovered truths and questions we wish we could have asked. We are not the only ones, we are not alone.
And what I think is the most heartbreaking? We are all searching for connection. For that feeling of familiarity, warmth, comfort and peace. We are all searching for connection and yet we avoid those eye contact, we avoid those hands who offers us a flicker light of hope, we avoid those voices who calls us whenever the world weighs heavy on our shoulders. We are afraid to stay for a little bit longer, we are afraid to wait a little more. We are all searching for the ones who will be able to understand when words are overwhelming but ironically, we are afraid of them. Afraid that once we let them in, once we let them inside our walls, they will never make a difference, that they will only add up to the number of people who will in the end let us bleed.
So, we convince the world that we are fine. That we are perfectly okay and we are doing just well even if we are aching for help, even if we need to pull ourselves from drowning. That is why the distance between us and everyone widens. We are all running away, we are all turning our back from one another.
When you stop thinking that you are alone, you will realize that you are actually surrounded — by human beings who patiently waits for you to let your guard down, who are all this time standing by your side waiting for you to reach out for their hands.
You will realize that all along, the beauty of existence is just right there and it is waiting for years for you to let it in.
