Hi. As much as I want to keep this to myself, I want to share it with you just so you know how someone with depression really go through. I had depression for the longest time, 3 years and ended just last year. God won the battle for me. But there are too many young people these days who just can’t get out of the depression zone. Let me help you by showing you how I struggled.
The letter below is my blog post last year just 2 months before God ended up depression for me. It’s triggering, but transparent. If you have a friend, a family member who have depression, read this. You need to understand them to help them.
Here it goes.
Dear, (I referred this as myself)
Looking blankly at the screen for like an hour and I still don’t know what to say. I don’t think someone would bother to visit this page and read my posts. I am just a writer who reads her own writings. Yep, sad. But to tell you this, I’ve been battling depression for three long years already. I don’t know what to do with my life.
I’ve been jumping from one job to another and feeling that nothing can ever satisfy me. I am tired of my not being able to know what I am up with. I am tired of living. I wanted to melt down like a candle and just disappear here on earth. I am clueless and empty. Literally empty that I feel like there’s nothing beneath my flesh, just emptiness.
Some may say this is just a hormonal imbalance, yep. Because my illness (hyperthyroidism) produces more hormones than normal. But even when I explain this a trillion times, no one will really understand me, I think. Everybody says that I am just sad, just lonely, just unsatisfied, just unhappy. But I don’t think I am. What I am feeling now is unexplainable. I don’t think I am just sad, lonely, unsatisfied, or unhappy. It’s beyond that!!!
I am tired of pretending that I okay because people around me expects me to be okay. I battle everyday. Battling to smile even when I am dying inside. Battling to make everyone happy even when I can’t make myself happy. I want to take off my mask and let everyone see how I am really. But when I do, no one believes me.
If you read this, thank you. Please tell me that everything’s gonna be fine and that it’s okay not to be okay. I want to end this battle before I want to end this life. Because I don’t want to do that.
Listen.
love,
the diarist
Again, listen. Some words are better left unsaid. Someone with depression sometimes needs a simple tap in the back or ears just to listen as they cry.
You with depression, you can get through this. You are not along in this battle. God is with you and everyone else (like me) who are battling or have battled depression. Stay strong. Don’t ever lose hope.
(lovethediarist.blogspot.com)
