I HAD LOVED YOU AND I HOPE YOU FELT THE SAME WAY TOO.
It was still haunting me. That night when we sat beside each other. The silence filled the space between the two of us. No one dared to open the mouth. We just stared outside. I don’t know how long it lasted. But all I could feel was the pain of reality that I don’t want to face even up until now. But it was there already – that moment when it was the time that it had to end that kind of love story that no one between the two of us had dared to write the beginning because we already came to its ending – a bittersweet ending that once upon a time, it was you and me spending all those secret nights together. It was a secret we kept. We were okay the way it was. There was no string. There was just an attachment.
We didn’t ask each other on what are we. Maybe because we were just afraid to know the answer. All we wanted was to enjoy the moment. We were defeated letting fear swallow us. These were all what we’ve got – our bodies together reaching for the starts, uttering each other’s names, clasping each other’s hands, grasping for breath, laughed at each other and smiled and stared each other’s eyes. Could there be more than those things? Maybe because I know I got there already but sadly, I don’t know with you.
You cannot blame me for falling because all along, you gave me the reason to. I just didn’t let myself to fall fully for you because I don’t know if you can reciprocate this love I might have shared with you. I just don’t want to become a victim of that another unrequited love. Or maybe, I had been all along when I was with you. I just didn’t realize it.
Why didn’t we ask each other on what are we? Why didn’t we get there? Why did everything end with so much questions, so much pain, so much regret? What if I asked you? What if what you asked me that night was the perfect time that we could have settled what we had between the two of us? See, what we have left when we parted our ways are all those “WHAT IFs” and “COULD HAVE BEENs”. I still have them at the back of my mind but I don’t know with you.
I don’t know with you because I don’t know you anymore. We don’t know each other anymore. We are just who we were before – me on my own and you on yours.
This – this kind of love story is a kind of love story that could have been a kind of love story like the rest of love stories that journey through the test of time. But that was not our kind of love story. Our kind of love story just keeps hanging up in the air. It is just all up there. I let it to be there along with those secret nights we shared because I just want to let this kind of love story go – far, far, far away from my hands that tried to reach out and hold the string until my eyes could no longer see it. Yes, it was all that we had. I let it go.