Special pero hindi mahal

I hope that my story will reach you. I want to share my story to inspire other and who knows? Someone might need to hear this. Context lang, I just surrendered my life to Jesus 2 years ago. I want to know God more and I want to build my relationship with God fist. There was a time that I said to God na ilayo Nya muna ako sa mga man na may possibility na mafall ako at di naman para sa akin. Then a week after that, I met this man. He is also a part of my church community and we are serving the same ministry. To make this story short, We became friends, as in close friends to the point na we get comfortable with each other, there are some late night convos, sharing personal prayers and we didn’t notice, I didn’t noticed rather that I am investing emotion too much already by praying for him everytime he ask for it. There were times that parang kami lang yung nagkakaintindihan, My mga gesture din siya aware na iba na pala yung dating sa akin or sa ibang nkakawitness. I felt that I am special (well magkaiba nga pala ang special sa mahal) Even our community noticed our closeness and parang may something daw kami. Nong naguguluhan na ako, I cried to God bkit gnun Lord? diba tayo muna? what to do? sakto din at prayer and fasting week yun so mas sensitive ako sa Holy spirit. I heard God said “Let go” audibly. I said ok Lord, though I don’t know why?. Pero hindi siya madali. After that maraming times akong naging marupok. Nong talagang convicted na ako kac ngdidisobey na ako kay Lord. I called to Him again and I said “Lord I really can’t” Last prayer ko sa last day ng fasting, “Lord I know that you want nothing but the best for me, I know that you have a great reason why I need to let him go, I can’t do this alone. It’s hard but I want to see the truth Lord kahit masakit. Then ayun answered prayer. Before year 2019 ends, exactly Dec 31 nlaman ko lahat lahat. Grabe yung iyak ko that day, And ngflash back sa akin lahat. All this time nag assume lang pala ako. Hindi naman pala ako ang gusto, kundi yung kaibigan ko. May paguusap na nangyari between us about a nangyari, hindi pala sya aware na gnun pala yung napaparamdam nya sa akin. He said sorry and our conversation ends well. We decided to retain the friendship, medyo ngkailangan nong una but since we both seek God about our situation nagging maayos ang lahat. hindi ako mdaling naka moved on but I am not totally wrecked because God is with me every step of the way. I never regret na nangyari lahat ng iyon because marami akong natutunan. I learned to love myself more and most of all nastretched yung obedience ko kay Lord. By the time that I wrote this letter I am fully moved on by God’s Grace and starting to pray for my future husband without thinking anyone in mind.