As I was realizing the reason why we had to be in good terms after a disastrous parting, I also acknowledged that we are supposed to be good friends, best of friends actually. It was a spur of the moment act that we became complicated beings or partners for that matter.
I was overwhelmed by our closeness after years of being apart. I am not keen of the fact that we might really have the spark that only others can see. Yes, we have our respective lives now, we cannot just jump into a relationship without considering the people in our lives, but love really is a leap of faith.
I was almost certain that I would have the courage to start anew with him. However, as we spend the five days abroad alone and without anyone knowing who we are, I gradually realize that we are not on the same page. He has always been courageous and sure of the business risks that he take but he was never brave enough to be committed to only one woman.
He has been my first adult relationship, and he will always be the great love of my life. But as great as he is, as courageous I am willing to be, he will not fit into the man that I have always been wanting to be with me all my life.
I am not the woman that he needs in this lifetime. And there will never be a woman who has stayed with him for as long as he wanted.
Yes, I am starting over again, without him. I will always be his friend, but I cannot offer the things that a woman should give to a man. Not with him. I am stronger now but it still breaks my heart to admit that we can never be together. I have always wanted to erase the bad memories that we had so I replaced it with what we have right now.
I did not bid goodbye. I am waving as a friend. I wish him the best in life and I pray that God will always be with him in times of distress and glory.
Finding your one great love is a blessing in itself. So, with this, I am closing the book I once held for so long. New pages and chapters will surely come. And I always welcome new beginnings.
Ciao, my great love. ❤️