9/2/2023
Dearest you,
It has been a month since I told you that I am starting to fall in love with you. Though I have never fully expressed what I felt as I was afraid that I might get the answer I never wanted to hear or know. If I could only tell you, how long have I been dealing with these feelings, but I cannot, simply cannot. I was young when I admitted to myself that you have finally captured my heart. Believe me, I try to fight against it as I knew back then that these odd feelings, I had for you were not going anywhere. As I was weak and young, I accepted my fate and loved you anyway. Years passed and I’ve made you, my world. People and even you have only seen that what I have for you is nothing but a mere friendship. You know me very well, I am good at hiding, even my emotions. It saddens me though, to think that despite all the subtle efforts I have made, you haven’t had any hint of what I truly felt.
Despite everything, I am very thankful to have met you. You are not the most amazing person in this world but to me, you are very interesting. You are not the calmest, but I admire you when you choose to accept your mistake and learn from it anyway. You are not the sweetest, but I love it when you exert effort on making me feel okay. You are not good with words, but your words of wisdom and encouragement have saved me during my drowning moments. And now, now that I finally asked that we stop talking, it is the hardest, my love. I just lost my best friend. Now, I no longer have someone whom I know that at the end of the day, will listen to every story I will be telling. It pains me that there will no longer be you who will uplift me during the difficult times of my journey.
But I have to make this sacrifice. They say, to do nothing is also a gamble. So, I gamble and told you anyway. It saddens me really that what we have is a mere friendship, but this is the peace I was looking for. It may be painful but this peace that I am working on is something that my future self will be thanking for. Sorry for assuming that you felt the same way, even a little. But you are not at fault.
I am truly aware of what I am to you, you made it very clear, a number of times. I am very sorry if I have treated you more than a friend. I am very sorry if sometimes I imagine reaching out to the other end with you.
I wish that I could still say to you how afraid I am of what lies ahead but I am on my own now. I will work on giving up the hope I have, that someday, you may find me and choose to be with me anyway.
Take care.
