This is to the idea of me and you. I don’t think we’re meant to be, but I want to believe that you are the missing piece. I wanted you to be always here whenever I feel everything all at once or none at all. But I don’t want you to overstay if you were only meant to pass by. I wanted to make sure that we are on the same page. But you were in a different page, from a different book. I saw the brightness of the universe in your eyes, felt the waves of the ocean whenever I’m beside you and when we’re together, and the diversity of the world in your smile.
You brought me joy even without you knowing. That’s why I always wanted to make sure that I made you feel special and that I will take care of you. And that with one glance at your picture and/or with one simple conversation, my anxiety seems to fade for a while. So I believe… When something goes off and/or when I start to overthink, my initial reaction is to blame myself, and ask these two questions.. “Was I too overwhelming?” “Was it a wrong move?” But then I realised that you can never be too grand or too much for the right person. The right person would sync with you and dance to the rhythm of the music that nobody else can hear. But I neither felt that I was too overwhelming nor you were dancing to the rhythm of the music that I was hearing. You were just there.. Existing.
I’m sorry if I’m being selfish and for some what pressuring you. I saw the world through your perspective, but not the perspective of the situation. I’m not going to say that I’m in love with you already, but It’s a fact that I do have feelings for you. You came in at the right time when I was not searching for anyone. You were the energy and person I needed to make me realise that I needed to love myself better than I did before, and I thank you for that. I thank you for showing me that even if I want you, I need myself more.
I remember the day when we had a conversation about timing. You and I both agreed that everything that happens needs to happen for a specific reason for us to grow. And every person that we meet needs to be in our life and they enter our lives at the right time for them to share and teach us a valuable life lesson.
I hoped that I was your destiny the same way that I hoped you were mine. You are the cure and prevention. You were my perpetual rest to the ever changing and exhausting world, and I wanted be yours as well. I included you in my prayers, and prayed to keep you safe and happy. You have a kind heart and you are hardworking. I’m so proud of your life stories, your small victories in life, how resilient and persistent you are. You deserve recognition, and I wanted to be that recognition. To show you how you should be treated and cared for. I was sure that I would have loved you unconditionally and I know that I will always do. But I was scared that you don’t feel the same way. And to my fears that turned into reality, you never reciprocated anything. You are the risk I am and will always be willing to take, and the luxury I am willing to gamble. I’m neither mad nor disappointed. I understand you and I will always do. I may not have any meaning to you, but you are special to me.
Please be mindful that I am not blaming you for anything. I am blaming myself for expecting too much from someone who embraces my worth and loves the idea of me. But not the rational and tangible me. And I know that you know that what I feel for you is inevitable, and I will always wait for you if want me to. But if you don’t, just let me know and I will close this book, entitled “The Idea of me and you”
