I never imagined I’d reach this point where I was once again left unprepared by someone.
We’ve been hanging out a lot; we go to places I’ve never been to. We used to spend a lot of time talking over coffee. We began to memorize our favorites, including our coffee order, favorite food, song, and almost everything else. I’m not sure what’s going on between us, but there’s always a butterfly in my stomach whenever I’m with you. I’m happy with you for reasons I can’t quite put into words.
I told myself not to fall for you, but your sweet gestures have left a lasting impression on my heart. I admit I got used to your “Good morning” and “Good night,” your “How’s your day?”, as well as your presence.
Everything’s too fast that I suddenly got kicked off of your schedule and I don’t know why. Are you just busy? As the last time we talked, we were so happy and full of jokes. And since then, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I wonder why you never bothered to care all of a sudden.
Every night, my mind is filled with questions. “What have I done?” “Did I say something inappropriate that night?”, “Was there ever a time that I crossed your mind?” and a slew of “Whys”. I wish I had the guts to ask these questions to you.
Even though I must admit that this action of you makes my heart hurt, I’m still trying to understand the situation.
I’m trying to get on with my life and keep myself busy, so I won’t be thinking about you.
Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t anticipating your message.
I’m missing you more and more as the days go by.
I despise where I am, but I have to get through this and move on.
I knew you were going to leave me from the beginning.
I knew it because I’ve felt this way before because of you.
I’d get used to your sweet words, fall for you, and then you’d abandon me.
Every time it happens, I can say that I am unprepared.
If I could just stop loving you for a moment, this cycle wouldn’t keep happening.
It is painful to fall in love with someone when you are unsure of where you stand.
And it’s true that the silent and unexplained goodbyes are the most painful.
Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash
