We cannot keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept in the first place.
I’ve been there and I know how you feel. So let me share the weight of your emotions.
It is magical, superficial. It is as if all the love you are giving away for so long on wrong people finally found its way back into you. It is as if the reality of love is here and embracing you with reality, and that at last, you found the one. But you cannot deny the fact that something isn’t right. And yes, your heart, your mind are telling you are right.
We don’t put the label on the relationship. You aren’t just friends. There are feelings and what-ifs and maybes that exists. So what are you? An almost-getting-there relationship that is full of uncertainties. Before you can ever question and comprehend what it is, it is over. They ghost you, dump you, neglect you as if nothing happened, replaced you with someone else, claimed that you are just someone they tried to see once in a while.
The ugly truth about almost relationship is that you never get the closure that you deserve, that you need. You’ll wake up one day and be surprised that you are in need of healing your heart. Because there are no proper goodbyes, there are no proper ways of leaving, there are no warning signs. Sometimes you will ask yourself, is this the end? Is this how we are going to wrap up everything? Is this how all my efforts sum up afterall? Maybe yes, maybe not. You might not even get the apology you deserve. Everything is uncertain.
You will always be left hanging and that’s an absolute answer. You will always wonder where those happy moments are supposed to be going, when you will two be officially together, when you will two set the real thing. But you cannot demand, you cannot ask either because you are afraid.
You are afraid of knowing what the real thing is, you are afraid of knowing what you are to them, you are afraid of hearing things you are not expecting, you are afraid of the truth.
You will learn to stop feeling things. You will eventually find yourself the need to withhold all the feelings you have, to hold back yourself from wanting to hug them tight, from wanting to hold their hands.
You will eventually find yourself holding back from all the love you are willing to give because they are not yet ready to receive them well.
They just find the pleasure of having someone who at the end of the day cares for them genuinely, they are just overwhelmed in the feeling that there is someone who is eager to hear how their day was, how are they after a long day at work, they are just flattered to know that there is someone who will do any extra mile for them or maybe they are just missing or longing for the feeling of having someone beside them. But as a matter of fact, they don’t see themselves settling in the real relationship, settling for you.
And you in the end, you are unknowingly taken for granted.
