C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, describes what usually happens sa friendship between a guy and a girl.
“the friendship which arises between them will very easily pass – may pass in the first half hour – into erotic love.”
“Indeed, unless they are physically repulsive to each other, or unless one or both already loves elsewhere, it is almost certain to do so sooner or later.”
This means, sis, na usually, kapag naging close friends ang isang guy and ang isang girl, tapos hindi naman sila napapangitan sa isa’t isa, at pareho silang hindi in love sa iba, it is easy lang na ma-fall sila with each other.
Sana all.
The problem happens when one-sided lang ang romantic feelings.
Kasi, merong isa sa inyo na mafa-fall talaga.
At the very least, fall into crush, na masakit pa rin if unrequited.
But hindi rin naman pwede na we prevent ourselves from building friendships with people of the opposite sex.
We could miss out on meaningful lessons and colorful, healthy experiences if we shut ourselves from making friends with them.
Plus, malamang na matagal kang magiging single if wala kang guy friends.
It is okay if gusto mo rin maging single for a long time or for life.
But if not, and at the same time, you also want to cushion the pain in case mafriend-zone ka, here are some things you can do while being friends with a guy.
1.No to Exclusive, Special Treatment
Magsama kayo ng iba kung may gagawin kayo ni Guy together.
The closer you follow this advice, the lesser na mafi-feel mo ang impact kapag fri-nend zone ka nya.
Kunyari, kakain sa labas.
Dapat, tatlo kayo or more.
Manglilibre ka. Both sila ang librehin mo.
I bet, hindi mo ‘to magagawa ng madalas dahil hindi naman unlimited ang iyong funds.
Or mangli-libre siya. Group kayo dapat ang i-treat niya.
Ganern. Or else, KKB na lang.
Walang special treatment with each other kung friends lang.
Kasi, kapag ma-sense mo na tini-treat ka niya in a special way, siyempre, yung overactive imagination mo, kung anu-ano na naman ang iisipin.
Baka nga ma-visualize mo na yung motif niyo sa kasal.
On the other hand, kung ikaw naman ang magti-treat sa kanya in a special way, ‘diba, malamang manghinayang ka sa laki ng nagastos mo na sana, kahit sa bank mo nalang nilagay, you would have profitted an interest pa.
Dagdag sakit sa puso ang stupidity na ito.
By the way, ganun din ha, kapag nagkuwe-kuwentuhan.
Kunyari, sampu nga kayong nag-milk tea, pero the whole time, kayong dalawa lang magkausap.
Tapos weekly, ganito ang ganap.
Asa ka pa, when you fall for him na, ‘tas sa kanya wala lang, eh di parang paulit-ulit na pinipiga naman yang puso mo tuwing paulit-ulit na magre-replay sa mind mo lahat ng one-on-one convos nyo.
And you would find it difficult not to do it kasi may iri-replay nga naman.
Now, let us say, chat.
Hanggang magdamag.
Gawa ka ng GC with your other common friends.
‘Pag nag-chat kayo, sa GC dapat.
‘Tas, dapat may at least one friend din kayo sa GC na magpupuyat to actively converse with both of you.
Para damay-damay na.
And kung ifi-friend zone ka niya, may mga kahati ka sa pain kasi may mga witnesses ka sa lampungan, este, interaction niyo.
OA ba ‘kamo?
Ganyan talaga.
Boundaries ang labanan sa larangang ito.
Ngayon, when you are willing to risk it, yung pain na ma-friend zone, para lumevel up ang inyong relationship, then by all means, spend some one-on-one time with him.
Chat, eat out, pasyal. Regularly. Go!
If feeling mo, may patutunguhan ang iyong pagri-risk. Go!
Yung keri mong mag-DTR soonest. Go!
Otherwise, avoid giving each other exclusive, special treatment.
2.Make Friendship Your Goal
Paano nga ba kayo naging friends?
Friends ang families niyo?
Or barkada ang relatives niyo?
Lumaki kayo together?
Sa office? Sa church?
Regardless, if you don’t want to be super hurt kung ifi-friend zone ka niya, then make friendship the goal of your friendly acts.
Why are you extra kind to him?
Bakit may pa-bonggang cake ka and video clip during his birthday?
Parang yung sa 1st point lang.
Special ang treatment mo sa kanya.
Gusto mo ba talagang friends lang kayo or you want something more?
Kasi, if may romantic objectives ka na, we are humans, remember?
We feel disappointed and hurt every time we don’t achieve our goals.
Kaya pala super kang maka-encourage and palagi kang available to help kasi you want him na pala to fall in love with you.
Then he doesn’t see you that way.
Siyempre, more ang sakit.
Unlike, if ang goal mo is just to be a good friend to him.
Then, if he only sees you as a good friend, eh di, bull’s eye!
First honors!
Wagi ka kasi you accomplished your intention.
Male-lessen nito ang hurt from the fact na hindi in love back with you ang friend mo.
3.Watch Your Prayers
Tuwing pinagdarasal mo siya, what do you say?
“Lord, siya na ba?”
Or “Lord, please siya na!”
‘Tas may pa-fasting ka pang nalalaman at sobrang active mo sa church, thinking you could twist God’s arm into giving you what you want.
Sis, sa love life, kahit na sa prayers, clarity dapat ang motive natin.
Ang tanong natin kay Lord kung interested tayo sa guy friend natin is “Lord, siya na po ba?”
We seek His will, hindi yung we impose our will on Him.
Tapos kapag “No” ang answer Niya, si God pa ngayon ang maramot at may kasalanan.
More na naman ang tampo natin.
Dagdag pain sa heart and mind.
At least, kung ang aim mo when you pray is to ask God if will Niya for you si Guy, kapag “No” ang answer ni Lord, you still got what you want.
Which is, the answer to your question.
So if you want to be less hurt if ma-friend zone ka, be careful to manage the aims of your prayers about your friend.
Anyway, if you are following God closely, He promises you naman that He will guide you and His will for you is good, pleasant and perfect.
So follow God and kung sakaling ma-friend zone ka, you can know and feel confidently that:
“It’s okay! Something better for me is on its way!”
