I used to think that being single won’t make me less happy. I was alone but never lonely. I have friends to eat with, travel with, grow with and do other stuff any other couples usually do. Not until you came into my life. I felt a different kind of happiness, one that friends couldn’t give.
You became one of my inspirations to pursue what ever it is that I want to achieve. We became close and finally you decided to pursue me.
My friends noticed that I became happier than the usual. I became more goal oriented, focused and determined. I needed you by my side as I fought a very important battle.
I felt your sincerity. Until one day, you stopped. You don’t message me anymore. No “good morning” and “good night” messages. No more “you can do it, I believe in you”. No more “can’t wait for you to go home so that I can hug you”.
I thought you just gave me the space and time I needed so that I can focus on winning my battle. But as you give me the “time and space”, little by little you were letting me fight alone. I don’t need time and space, I need you to fight with me.
I felt so down to the point that even my friends noticed the change in my behaviour. I was still goal oriented, but sad.
The only thing running in my mind is that I need to win this battle, with or without you. Little did I know that I wasn’t fighting alone. I was fighting with God.
Every night I cry myself to sleep thinking what could possibly go wrong? I couldn’t think of any reason so I came to ask you.
You were still sweet and caring that it makes me fall for you even more. Afraid that I might got hurt of the answer you’d give me, still I spoke that one question I was dying to ask you. And I was right.
You and your ex came back together. I should have seen it coming. I always choose to believe that you couldn’t do something like that. I know you can’t, but you did. All the happiness, hopes and dreams suddenly disappeared. I was hopeless that night. I couldn’t cry. My mind wasn’t ready to believe the pain and frustrations my heart has already felt.
I tried to distract myself from the mess you left. I tried to focus on fighting. I did my best to put myself together and continue what I had started. And guess what? I won. I thought I needed you to fight with me but little did I know I was fighting with someone else all along. He never left me on my journey and helped me mend what is broken. I was fighting with God from the start. That was the time I realized that God would break us in order for us to know that he is with us.
I won the fight but still struggling to forget the pain you’ve caused. I wasn’t mad at you, or so I thought. As the days past I came to realize that I don’t deserve the kind of treatment you had given.
I was so focused on thinking what have I done wrong for you to leave that I forgot to ask myself if you really wanted to stay.
I was so busy questioning my worth that I forgot to ask myself are you worthy of my love?
I was blaming myself all along that I forgot to ask, aren’t you the one to be blamed?
That was years ago. And as you read this letter, I know you would think that I am mad at you.
But I am not.
Right at this moment, this would be the first time that I would thank someone who did me wrong. That I would thank someone for breaking me. That I would thank someone for leaving.
Thank you for doing me wrong, now I realized my worth.
Thank you for causing me such pain that I learned how to deal with it.
Thank you for lying that I learned to be cautious in trusting people.
And thank you for breaking me because as you leave, I became closer to God. And I learned that only God is worthy of our love.
