There are these nights when nothing feels right but to get drown with the thought that we, you and me, are never going to happen.
That night, when I asked you to make it clear and make our thing stop, I was actually hoping the exact opposite of your answer. “Agree.” I was actually rooting for you to fight for it. To bring that thing to a level one notch higher. I was convinced you’re going to be back a couple of days after with your sorry-speech. But every end of the day, I get myself disappointed.
Until today, when I realized, I know you: you know your worth, you know where you stand, you know what to prioritize at this point of time of your life. You got your mind on top of things you want to achieve, on dreams you want to pursue. Sadly, I am not one of them.
You see, it’s hard to move forward with nothing, not even a glitch of hatred. It’s hard to tell yourself to move on when you don’t even know your starting point, when you’re not even mad at the person and feeling you are moving on from. It’s hard to keep going when you even pray for the person who caused you heart ache, more than you pray for yourself.
But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Just because I am having a hard time dealing with this feeling does not mean I won’t survive. Give me time to wallow, I’ll get over you, for sure, I just don’t know when. But until then, I’ll let myself wallow with the fact that I fell in love with a man who’s not ready in a way that I am ready.