I think it’s a different kind of sadness when you wake up at 3am and ask yourself what’s wrong with you, why you can never be enough to someone, why pain creeps you up when all you did was love them in a way you are already losing yourself. How do you forgive someone who isn’t even sorry about what they did? How do you end something that has not even started yet?
I guess I am not upset that he betrayed me, because I have already foreseen that. I am disappointed because he’s never ever sorry about what he did. He wouldn’t want to own his mistakes. I am upset because he rebutts words that I cannot even ingest. I guess that’s how it is. People exists to upset us.
I kept on wondering for days, where did the YOU’RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH came from. I remember somewhere in the conversation I said, kabalo ko magpaubaya. So I think that was the response. Just wow. So people are already considered not strong enough if they choose themselves? I was ready to be hurt and to be betrayed, don’t get me wrong. But how could you fight for someone who’s not even taking responsibility of what they did? How do you not let them go when they’re unapologetic? This is my 2nd time investing my emotions to this kind of guy, to that kind of profession (seamanloloko). I swear, I would never put myself into this kind of situation ever again.