HE SAID, SHE SAID.
Sabi nila we don’t get to choose who we love. Nararamdaman nalang daw kasi siya. At some point, maiisip mo talaga na “No, I have a choice” pero at some point rin talaga, kapag mahal mo siya, mahal mo talaga siya. I wanted to believe, just like you, na we have a freedom to love who we want. Magkakatalo lang tayo pag dumating na sa point na “paano kapag ayaw mo na?”. Paano kapag ayaw mo nang mahalin? Paano pag alam mong hindi mo na deserve yung ganong sitwasyon? Yung ayaw na ng utak mo, pero ‘tong tatanga-tangang puso mo, gusto parin sa taong alam mong di na pwede pa?
Why do we care for the people who doesn’t deserve us anymore? Bakit ba kasi hindi maturuan ang puso. Parang feeling ko, yun na ang million dollar question. Yes, we can care for other people, we can even love them at a certain level, but that love will never measure to the love we have for that person. You know it, your brain knows it, your heart definitely, absolutely, knows it. Ang masakit pa niyan, ayaw mo na dahil you consciously know na wala ka naman nang mapapala pero ba’t ganon, noh? Pag nakikita mo siya para kang bumabalik sa 2 year old self mo na nakita yung favorite toy niya. Yung sparkle sa mata, yung ngiting akala mo hindi mo na matatanggal pa – Yung panandaliang kaligayahan na nakukuha mo ang kumakapit dun sa paniniwalang baka naman kasi pwede pa.
” How do we unlove someone? How do we build ourselves from the ashes of our own doings?”
But did we really loved them kung ayaw na natin ? or talaga bang ayaw na natin ? maybe we’re wrong. Maybe it’s not that we don’t want them anymore but we want the situation changed. Di ba nga? It’s human nature na magsawa, (fight me) lalo na kapag nagiging routine na yung nangyayari satin. Lalo pa siguro pag may mga realizations ka na na you don’t deserve this. It’s just, it’s painful to know na marupok talaga tayo sa mga taong mahal natin. Marupok yung puso natin. But is this what love is? Feeling of uncertainty? How do we unlove someone? How do we build ourselves from the ashes of our own doings? Another million dollar question.
I didn’t wanna believe that this is what love supposed to be. But having to endure all this, I am almost certain that this is actual love. Just not the love we were expecting and definitely not what we deserved. Pero may laban pa ba tayo? I hope so. But until we find that Strength na we need to let go of all the feelings and memories, hindi tayo gagalaw.
Why do we love the people we love? Kahit minsan ayaw mo na, kahit minsan alam mo’ng hindi na dapat pa. Why do we linger to the feeling? And why isn’t everything working out. Maging masaya lang naman ang ultimate goal sa buhay, di ba ? Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya. Either nandyan siya o wala.
dfabs
