Love to Hurt
Happiness to Pain
Challenges to Struggles
Forever to For never
How we met was never a romantic style thingy, in fact, you didn’t even know me. I was in an unrequited love. You were not even that handsome, you’re far from my dream guy, and yet, my heart still chose you over anybody else…
How we start was never like a fairy tale love story, truth is, you broke my heart in the blink of an eye. You took advantage to my feelings for you. You lied to me before I was able to say “yes”.
How I forgave you was as easy as 1-2-3, letting you in into my heart was never a regret, I was happy and contented. I never ask for anything more as long as you are with me and only to me.
How our 1st year was like being in a honeymoon-stage-thing for twelve not so happy but full of love months. You were there when I needed someone to talk to, you were there through day and night, you were there when I lost someone I really love (my grandma), you were there to remind me of my worth, you were there to remind me how much you love me. Though we didn’t have the chance to celebrate together our first anniversary as a couple, you made sure that our day will still be special like our relationship, and I didn’t complain , I mean how could I? When deep in my heart I know that no matter where we are, we will never be too far.
How our 2nd year went was a roller coaster, there were days I almost gave up on us but you will always come to me and tell me how much you love me and how much you needed me by your side. I support you all the way– your work, your passion, and your dreams. I kept my eyes close for all the things I should have seen before, because I believed in you, even when I don’t even know what’s the truth and lies. I was the one who will always chase after you, my friends keep telling me that if you really love me you wouldn’t hurt me. But what do they know? I love you and you feel the same and that’s what matters, right? Somebody will come to make us happy but they will eventually go, and we will still end up being together. We survived. Together, you and I.
How our 3rd year was like a lost object, we didn’t know where our love to each other go, and whenever we forget it, we suddenly miss it. I tried to be cold but your love was warmth that melts my heart. You always got me with your flowery words and promises. There were times I wonder if this is still a relationship or it already turned into a relationsh*t. Chasing your dreams makes you forget the girl who was always there to cheer for your success and hug you for your loses. Being with your friends makes you forget the girl who loves you and waiting for you to come home. I always wonder if in every shot of beer you drink, do you even ask yourself what I am doing. With every smile you give to your pals, do you even wonder if I am still awake? With every stories you hear from them, do you even wonder how my day went? Do you even know how much it hurts me when you lie just to be with them? Have I been too much? Was asking for your time and attention was too much to ask? Because if that so, I am sorry, I am sorry if I love you more than myself. I am sorry if I was too afraid to lose you. But I will hold on, as long as I can.
How our 4th year went was like a beautiful red rose, it looks perfect on the outside but there is a thousands of pain hidden around. Some of my friends says, when you reach 4 years, you will realize if what you have is worth fighting for. You will realize if he’s worth of your love and affection. I always reply them with a little smile thinking they all wrong, I keep telling myself “we got this”, didn’t realize, I was the only one making this work. But everything comes to an end, I woke up one day and told myself “I deserve someone who is 100 % into me and sadly, it wasn’t you”….
And I ponder, people who think that happiness is something that’s always within their reach, I wonder how happy they must really be? You know, when I was a kid, I thought happiness is like blowing bubbles we used to play with when we were little. But in real life, I realized that happiness is when you can’t define what you really feel and you just can’t help but be thankful for everything at all times.
I want to feel it, I want to experience that kind of happiness, and I know I won’t if I will not let go of the sadness I am with. And despite all of those pain and heartaches, all I want for you is to be happy, I am sorry if I broke your heart, I swear I never wanted to make you feel what I felt through the years. I am sorry if these eyes gets dry from crying over you, I am sorry if these ears no longer want to hear all your promises and heartwarming words. I am sorry if it’s easier now to say “good bye” than “I love you”. I am sorry if my patience crosses its limit. I am sorry if these heart of mine gave up already, I swear I tried to fight, but these heart can no longer hold the pain. It wasn’t easy, but I survived, and now, I know I got what I wanted and I hope you are happy too. If I could rewrite our fate, I will still choose to experience the love, pain and lessons I felt with you.
My four years of love has ended, but the love I felt for you will remain in my heart forever. You may not be my knight in shining armor but you will always be the one who taught me how to love truly and deeply. You may not be the man who will stand to wait for me as I walk through the aisle but you will always be the man who taught me how to be matured enough to handle things on my own. When I have my own kids, I will surely tell them our stories because we may not have the happy-ending love story however, I will always remember that it was a love so true.
I know we both moved on, but I know that you owned one the biggest best part of my life and nobody can steal it away. Good bye my four years, good bye my once prince charming.
I wish you a happy-ending story for someone you deserved. 🙂
