Alone but not lonely has always been the cliché that I’ve been wearing for 7 years. Yes 7 long years. Perhaps that sounds unbelievable to most. I am usually stereotyped as the picky, perfectionist and idealistic human. “Why (are you still single)?” “Are you still broken (from the previous relationship)?” “Are you waiting for someone?” These are the common questions I always came across, may it be from random people, new acquaintances or old friends I get reunited from. To top it all, my folks would always raise the seemingly million-dollar-question-with-no-answer – “When are you going to settle down?” referring to me as if I will rot if I won’t tie the knot. So I would skip reunions to avoid the long list of interrogatory remarks.
Aren’t they curious as to how I get by being alone for years? Aren’t they wondering how I made it being happily contented alone? Let me tell you a few secrets.
Know yourself.
Being alone is always the best time to reflect and know yourself. Who I really am? What do I really want? Who do I want to become? These are just the basic. If you like who you are now, keep it up. If you’re still in doubt, sit down and grab a coffee, this is quite a long read. Know your strengths, use to it to greater advantage to you and to others. By lifting others when you can, you are giving yourself a sense of purpose and a sense of fulfillment. Acknowledge your weaknesses and consciously work on improving them, little by little until it becomes your lifestyle. Help is not always at hand on some cases so it is best to learn how to overcome the difficulties on your own. Trust me you’ll want to give your back a pat while standing up after you stumble.
I was an introvert that even a simple inquiry would make my palms sweat, so I always have someone to accompany me until I started living independently, several miles away from my family, in an unfamiliar surrounding without a trace of familiar faces. I learn to dine alone, go to the mall on my own and force myself to mingle with mere acquaintances. This has taught me to be more in control of myself. My preferences are clearer, that regardless of who I am with, wherever and whenever, I am not outshone by everyone else’s luminance.
Choose who you should be with.
Not all companionship are healthy. If that friendship brings out your worst, leave. If that relationship limits you to explore your passion, walk away. If your peace is at stake, mate it’s time to abandon the ship. For it is true that we’re sailing in the same ocean, yet we don’t share the same boat. Waters may be rough, winds could be strong so choose to be on the best boat, learn to set the sail, take the oars and row your boat to your buoyancy where calmness awaits. Choose to be with people whose impact radiates positivity in you and who would prompt you to become a better person.
I have my fair share of broken relationships and lost friendships. Since I became certain of who I am and what I want, I never let anyone get into my nerve and consume my inner peace. It wasn’t an easy choice – I grieved, I forgave and I let go. I just couldn’t take them back to my life again. You cannot drink the same poison that almost killed you twice.
Challenge yourself.
Being the best version of ourselves is a work in progress. We don’t stop improving, we don’t suspend learning and achieving something good. Doing the least godly thing can be really thriving but rewarding. We have to make sacrifices and compromises. Bear in mind though, that not all sacrifices are worthy. If it harms you or people around you, it will go down the drain. Get out of your comfort zone, try something new. Don’t be afraid but be cautious.
The introvert that I am only had a few people I go out with. The same set of people I went out with for years. I always fear of being rejected if I go out with others. My insecurities did not only pull me down, it limits me from pursuing the things that I so admired. I am a big fan of women who can pull off femininity after hurdling a 10-kilometer run or carry their loads on mountain ranges, those who can flaunt their curves and bulges, and those who’re not afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves. I am brutally straight-forward, I don’t sugar-coat, I say what I mean and mean what I say at cost of other’s feelings(sometimes) but still adamant to reveal myself to others. With the help of some friends, I managed to get by alone. I’d go for a jog alone and come home to my nest with contentment. I can shop for girly stuff alone and would happily share my great finds to my friends. Little did I notice that I’m growing my friend’s list year after year. It took a handful of courage for me to finally join a group (with just 2 familiar faces) for the first time but I did not regret. I have prepared myself for years to be the person that I was on that very day.
Celebrate life.
Life is never without hills, valleys and plateaus. It is a never ending roller coaster ride as how others may put it. Walk every step of the way and celebrate every milestone no matter how life taunted you. Remember to be dauntless. You may be swayed by the tides so learn how to surf. Instead of waiting for a happy ending, make every beginning as happy as it can be and that happiness will never end. Be happy on your own and with your own. At the end of the day, what matters is a well-lived one.
At this point, I have come into terms on how I will row my boat. I’ve been doing the things that I used to fantasize, crashed outside my comfort zone, and compromised my preference all in the name of trying something new. Above all, I’m loving myself and accepted all my flaws and short-comings like I’ve never done before; we have no one to please anyway. Taking into consideration that self-love compels you to do what is right and acceptable, I have learned to accept my imperfections and work on polishing them not to become perfect but to become ideal – my ideal self physically, emotionally and mentally.
Remember, how you love yourself serves as other’s mirror on how they should love you. Let your radiance attract the same vibe. Who knows someone of the same spectrum will come your way. And when that day comes, both of you will be more than ready to share part of yourselves to each other simply because the box is half full that it still has room for another masterpiece.
