An open letter to the one who made me stronger,
Hey, how are you? Hope you’re doing fine. I am, too, after that instance. I will tell you why.
I wrote this letter to you for I want to tell you that you made me stronger, in a way that I didn’t expect, in a way that I didn’t want. Because who likes her heart to be broken? No one. There were a thousand thoughts I wanted to tell you after that happened, but I never had the chance to. God didn’t allow me. Every night, I thought of what-ifs. What if that did not happen? What if I did not run away? What if you didn’t run away? What if they kept silent? And a million more thoughts were added every night, not just a thousand. Those thoughts ran through my mind like endless circles. No end. They went on repeat.
I wanted you to know that I became anxious after that incident. I became an overthinker that affected all of my states; emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. I wasn’t the person that you knew. I was bewildered. I couldn’t forgive myself of what happened. I pointed all the blame to myself. I asked God to give peace in my heart, mind, and body. I cried myself to sleep every night, thinking about those thoughts repeatedly.
I wanted you to know that I was broken, but you didn’t have a clue, even a little. God didn’t allow me to tell you. It would be like desperation if I did that. I admit I had resentments to my friends, to you, and especially to myself. I was the one who had the worst impact here.
It served as a double purpose why He separated you from me and why that incident happened, God revealed it to me. I am beyond thankful for that. God allowed that to happen to make me stronger. You are a lesson for me. My heart became stronger and now wiser in its decisions. He closed that door for me to be well, and I thank God for that. It was His way to protect me from that “almost there” kind of relationship. A kind of relationship with affection and attention, with catching glances and sweet smiles, but without a label. What if we became together? I know I’m not ready. You are not ready, as you’ve told me one night. I now understand that God makes all things work together for our good.
Hey, right now, I am well and okay. I am healed now. Way back then, they told me that time heals all wounds. But today, I now believe that God’s time is the best healer. God’s timing heals all wounds. I told myself before, that one day, I’ll be able to smile at you, talk to you, and hear your name again without confusion in my heart. Now, it happened. No rapid heartbeats whenever I see you. No second thoughts of what-ifs, no further hurtful thoughts. You know, it’s so hard when the face smile and the heart doesn’t. God helped me to smile again. He helped me to smile at you genuinely again whenever we cross our paths. I don’t want to hold grudges towards you and others anymore. I forgave, don’t worry. God has helped me. It was all in the past. I forgave everything. You know, I learned a lot from those others, but especially, I learned a lot from you. I guarded my heart so sure and secured, and it was all because of you. Now, I’m stronger than before. I somehow stopped giving things a meaning when they weren’t supposed to be given one.
I hope all the best for you, hope you’re flourishing to be the person that God wants you to be.
Sincerely yours,
The one whom you made stronger
