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Its been a while since the last the time that I have written to you. I still have those notebooks tucked inside an old Papemelroti box that contains all the memories that I should have forgotten. I will not lie to you for you already know that I used to forget You. Whatever were the reasons why I have stopped writing to you, I really cannot remember. Failed relationships? Joblessness? Family problems? All of the above? It seems like that you haven’t heard me and I need to climb on the highest mountain for you to hear me.
In an empty church, I have found myself kneeling and praying the desires of my heart and for Your forgiveness. I thought that I will be relieved but I felt nothing. I went back to my wordly ways.Trying to fix a heart that was broken with the same reason why mine was not realizing that I was just destroying myself. Feeding the lust of whom I called “love”. In sense of euphoria for hours and hours then feeling empty just like the church that I have entered. I’m feeling nothing.
It’s impossible for you to feel nothing. I think feeling nothing is an aftertaste of being used and disrespected. And if ever it will be a flavor, I think that is what hell might taste like. It was a terrible time, I remember. Just like the medieval age, the dark page of a history book. But even the dark ages in history ended and it leads to the bright ages. And the bright ages come with a life that will be surrendered to Your will. A new beginning, a renaissance with You.
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With deepest gratitude, I thank all my friends who didn’t give up to bring me closer to You. Just like the pretty little town where I have grown up, coming home during weekends reminded me who I was before. A hopeful, free spirited, and a woman who always hopes and dreams. A woman with faith in You.
My heart is my strength for it never failed to surprise me on how strong I am when things went wrong and my heart is my weakness for it forgets how strong it is when it falls in love. Its funny but what is the sense of lying to You? You know me better than I know myself. I’ll give my heart to You for you to heal and keep. When the time comes that someone will ask me for it, He needs to seek You first for him to have me. In that way, I will be a blessing. An answered prayer.
I thank you for everything because it reminded me that I was wrong when I think to myself that I was worthless for I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am worth far more than rubies. And most importantly, thank you for saving me numerous times from the wrong person.