My love.
It has been a long time since I wrote for you.
Maybe because in the deepest corner of my heart, my faith is crumbling.
That you are real.
I’ve got nothing to offer anyway. So why would you spare your time with me.
There were times you made me smile.
Well, isn’t this weird. Because we haven’t met yet but you had this power over me.
When I think about how you’ll come into my life it makes me smile. I had this weird feeling it’ll be an unforgettable one. Something out of ordinary.
Maybe you’ll fall off from heaven.
Oh. Did I ever tell you I have a thing for fallen angels?
Nah. That’s just wishful thinking. But it goes along with those weird scenarios in my head.
And the page is not enough how many weird scenes there were.
But you know what I came to the point where I don’t believe in it anymore.
You. Are. Not. Real.
And if you are. You’re not coming.
Because it isn’t me you’re looking for.
Truth is maybe I don’t want it anymore.
I don’t want you here.
Stay where you are.
So far away from me.
In my dreams.
I don’t even want to know what I’d do with you if I will ever meet you.
Probably kill you.
Sorry. Weird fantasy.
You could say I got tired.
Looking out for you. Searching you in the crowd. How will I know I’d recognize you. I don’t even know what’s the difference between hot pink and fuchsia.
To me they are same banana. Not really a fan of that color.
Or maybe I just came to the point where I’m not really excited you’ll come along.
More like dreading the day you’ll finally arrive. Because I have this hunch that you’ll turn my world around.
And I don’t like it. Not a bit.
I’ve been so independent for a long time that I don’t feel like having this person who’ll take the word “in” and will make me dependent.
I love my freedom so very much.
And I have a feeling you’ll take it away too.
Sounds not fun.
So. Take note of this. I’m not really excited of your arrival. So if you do have plans, coming or not it’s okay.
Don’t expect me to jump all around feeling giddy and excited.
More like expect a knife pointed at you.
Come and get me? No.
Come here and let me take a piece of you.
Literally.
-euphemia_clyne
**p.c. :pexels.com
