A Short Letter to November

I remember the first time we met. We were opposite strangers heading towards opposite directions. I admit that since the very first time I’ve already sensed this unfamiliar feeling of attraction towards you. You were just, you. Cool and collected, like you have no other care for the world.

“I thought you were normal”, were your first words to me. I became more and more aware of your presence. Before I knew it, my mind was already filled with countless thoughts of you.

You, you, you! Gosh, I do love you.

I miss you.

I miss the late night conversations. How you nag me to eat and take care of myself more. I miss how you scold me for doing something wrong, and I miss how you constantly tell me you love me. Those days that you made me  like I was the prettiest girl in the world, like I could do anything. Like I was invincible.  I miss them.

God knows how much I’ve asked myself why.  How did we end up like this? We were happy. There may be a few arguments here and there, but we were happy. We had each other, but now the only person I have is myself.

Why did you leave?

You had issues of your own. Things at home weren’t going too well and life seemed like it wasn’t going to get any better, but why did you give up, love? Why did you give in?

Just like what I always tell you, I’m here. I’m always here and  I’ll always be here. I’ll always be waiting for your return. Even if I wait until forever ends, even if I’ll forever be waiting for nothing- I’m here.

I know to myself that my heart will never long for anyone else other than you. I know that this broken heart of mine will only long for you. This heart of mine will never be satisfied unless it’s you.

Unless it’s you, my heart will remain dull and empty.

I’ll wait for you. I may not know for how long, but I will wait. I won’t give up on you because I love you. I refuse to accept the fact that this was goodbye. Though it’s a different kind of goodbye, a different kind of separation. It may be one of those kind that makes “together again” impossible. One that leaves your chest empty and your heart six feet below the ground too.

But I’d rather be delusional than accept the fact that all the dreams we built together and the plans we had for each other will never come true.

November, I still love you.