Admiring you from a distance, and hiding behind our friendship.

Nung una, natatakot ako magkagusto sa kahit kanino kasi sobrang baba nang tingin ko sa sarili ko, to the point na iniisip ko walang magkakagusto saken especially pabalik. Lalo na after my first heartbreak. I never tried again yet. Then ayon, simula nung nagustuhan kita, ofcourse mas lalo ako natakot kasi ang tagal na since nung last time ako nagmahal. 4 years ago na when my first love broke my heart. 4 years na akong takot pero nung nakilala kita parang gusto ko ulet mag risk. Hindi mo alam kung ilang beses kong pinapaulit ulit pigilan tong nararamdaman ko sayo kahit ganto pa lang kababaw. Pero wala eh. Everytime na nakikita kita especially nakakausap, there’s this feeling na I really wanna know you more without being judgy. Yung intention na gustong gusto kita makilala pa kasi gusto kita eh. I wanna tell you na please wag kang mahiya mag kwento kahit about your imperfections pa yan kasi hindi ko i bbase yung pagkatao mo doon. I really admire you so much. Your smile, your ‘happy and jolly’ aura that could light up every person’s day and bring smile on their faces. Your corny jokes sometimes na tatawanan ko kahit gaano ka pa ka corny. Kasi it’s not just all about your jokes, it’s all about your laugh and your smile na hindi ko alam bakit ganto yung epekto saken. Yung joy na nakikita ko sa mukha and personality mo na nawawala saken. I admire that. Really. I loooovvee when you sing and hold your guitar, when you dance with passion and dedication. Pag nasa harap ka tas nakikita kita nag ppray or mag wworship, I love how you love talking to God and nakikita ko yon sa magandang ngiti mo. I love how you are committed in your ministry kasi parehas tayo sa part na yon. Pag usapang ministry na i don’t care how tired I am, I’m gonna serve. I am really amazed. I wanted to tell you all of these pero natatakot ako. Kasi alam kong it’s not the same. And it’s not going to be. Kuntento na akong ina-admire ka sa malayo habang di ka nakatingin. Kuntento na akong nagtatago lang sa friendship naten kasi masaya na ako dito. Kasi ayokong dumating sa point na I’m gonna ask for more attention from you and get jealous kapag may makakasalamuha kang ibang babae. I’m too scared kasi wala akong assurance na sasaluhen mo ko habang pahulog ako nang pahulog. But if it’s God’s will na magkasama tayo balang araw, then I’m gonna be brave enough to love you even more. However, masakit man sa part na hindi mo ko magugustuhan pabalik, I’ll still pray na i-continue mo tong magandang gawain na to kasi alam kong hindi lang ako yung natutuwa sayo. I know that God is really amazed by you as well. If ikaw na aappreciate ko how much more si Lord right? Gusto ko lang ilabas tong feels na to kasi habang tumatagal lalo lang kitang nagugustuhan. Naniniwala pa ren akong if God’s will he will make it happen. In the right time, in the right place. Everything in God’s perfect timing.