Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
I’ve been battling with depression for 4 years and
counting for more. It’s not easy. I almost crawl off to bed just to face the day. I look at the mirror and tell “You will survive this day, Orpha. God is with you”. But every day is a chaos for me, a battle that I need to win. I didn’t live for a long time and just exists. Until I ended up that I want to escape from pains, despair, and misery. I also wanted to escape from God. I thought my only way out is SUICIDE. Took over-dosage MEDS and cut wrist several times. Does this help me? Nah. It’s just a Satan scheme to defeat one of the warriors of God.
“Why me Lord?, Why?” Always asked God with a contrite spirit of mine. Yet, He remained silent unto this point. Fortunately, God is good and I’m still alive and kicking.
Moreover, I learned that depression is a monster fed by anxious thoughts and longings of satisfaction. It is sucking all my energy, purpose and motivation to live, the reason why my faith was shaken. It will make you believe that you’re almost healed, almost there. However, in an instant, you will fall once again, back to the very start, back to broken defenses, back to the darkest room of your soul, back to the distorted identity, back to the lonely world of your own and back to the question marks you’ve already encountered.
While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:
Not easy. Not beautiful. Not enjoyable. Not pleasurable. No one wants to embrace it.
I am a Christian yet I’m one of those who are battling with this kind of mental illness. Yes, you read it right. It’s an illness, it might not be cured but it can be treated. Treated if you are willing and desperate for healing.
In my long journey, I realized how God’s grace is sustaining me. His love that hooks my heart, His faithfulness that embraces my brokenness, His sovereignty that ensures my future, His hand that mends my soul, His promises that give me hope and security.
I’m not perfect, I’m still in God’s process. I stumbled many times and stood up many times too, and will choose always to stand up to fight again. Even if I need to decide 5 or 6x a day if I need to live, I will do. Even if I’m crawling in my journey of healing, I will take time to wait for the moment I can say “Lord, Thank you for many scars. Now, I’m very beautiful”. Even if the sun hides in the dark clouds, I know and I choose to believe that there is a sun, sun that will shine in my life. Likewise, even though there are times that God is so silent, I believe He is with me. Helping me to cope up everything.
Is there any hope? Yes. There is. Jesus Christ is the Only true hope in despair… Is there any happy ending? Yes, there is. In eternity we will find a happy ending. Does healing really exist? Yes, by His stripped and His pierced hand we are healed. Are you valuable? Yes, you are precious as gold. A human being made out of dust is loved by a Supernatural Being. Is there any bright future? Definitely yes, the Lord is the light that eliminates darkness.
Thus, I am a Christian yet I am now enjoying my battle for Christ, with Christ and through Christ alone. You are worth fighting for. Keep going 🙂
Ps. Preach! Encourage! Motivate!