An Open Letter to My Almost

Hi? How are you?

It’s been quite some since it happened. How I wish it wasn’t. How I wish it just a bad bad dream. But is not. I need to go moving forward. I need to accept. I wrote this letter to pour my hearts out to you. My almost. I wrote this letter to somehow, make a memory together. Memory of good days. The good things. The joy, the laughter, the tears, the smile. The memory of you.

It was mid-March. A typical day. With all the scary things that happening outside due to pandemic, here am I, trying to live my life as normal as possible. Being alone for so long, I don’t expect anything from anyone. But you came.
Of all the bad things that happened this year, you were probably the only good thing.

Like a ray of sunshine, you gave a new light into my life. You gave me hope in love. You gave me the excitement that was missing long gone since I was alone. It felt like that you are the one. It felt like that the things that we only see on movies came true to life. It was like magic that you came in. As good as it gets, you brought joy to my stagnant and boring life.

As days passed by, we talked and we talked. We got to know each other’s secrets. We got to know each other’s insecurities. What makes us happy, what makes us sad, what makes us to wake up in the morning. I would like to confess, you were the one of the reasons I look forward to everytime I wake up since we talked. I got to know your stories, even the saddest past, I got to unveiled mine, my darkest past. Yet, you accepted me. Thank you.

As days passed, getting to know your stories, the things that hurt you, your sacrifices, the way you love the people even not getting the love back, being taken for granted, being cheated, I knew I need to do something. I want to be the man that won’t make you cry. I want to be that man who won’t be the kind of man that mistreated you. I want to be the man who will do my best to put a smile in your face. I want to be the man that will love you even at your worst.

But then, all greats things don’t last, like most relationships, we made mistakes, I made mistakes. From being the man that aiming to be the right for you, I hurt you several times. If I can only sacrifice a limb to take back all the pain, I’ll do it.

I apologize for all the hurt. I failed to be the man I want to be. I failed to be the man who should not be hurting you. I failed to be the man you should be the support that you need. I failed to be the man that should be encouraging you to stand up against any odds.

I apologize for overthinking for most of the time. Making up scenarios on my head. Good or bad scenarios. Putting pressure to you.

I apologize for being scared to you. To keep all those frustrations to myself to the point that I am on my boiling point.

I apologize for all those nights that I made you feel alone. For those nights that you’re crying but I am not there on your side to atleast give you a hug.

I apologize for not being able to listen to your stories. For making you feel unappreciated.

For all the hurt. I am really sorry.

If ever that we don’t ended up, I want you know that I will still love you by far.

If ever we don’t ended up, I want you to know that I can be the listening ear, everytime you feel anxious about life.

If ever we don’t ended up, I want you to know that on all the decisions that you made in life, I will object on a few butat the end of the day I will support.

If ever we don’t ended up, you, the times we had, the smile, the joy the memory, good and bad, will have the big space in my life.

If ever we don’t ended up, I will not be mad. I understand that you leaving only doing it for yourself.

If ever we don’t ended up, thank you.

As I much as I don’t want to end things on us, if the fate decides, I will not be mad.

You deserved to be loved, to be chosen, to smile, to be happy. 🙂

I will always be here, my almost.

Regards,

Your almost.