Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
Hey TOTGA (I actually put his name in this, I just changed it for the purpose of posting here), I hope you’re doing great. And I do hope that you won’t be able to read this. Funny it is but all I want is to express these feelings and words that I am trying to hold for the past 6 years. Maybe, just maybe, I will finally be free from these feelings and will be able to forgive myself. I’ve got so much weight in my heart, I can’t even remember when exactly it all started, but this has been bothering me since then. You left without saying goodbye. I can’t even remember how many times I was left hanging without any word. Too foolish of me to let it happen a couple of times. But I still cannot blame you, it was me all along because I let it happen. I know that a no closure is already a closure. I am well aware of it. But the thing is that I cannot accept that you, my most beloved person left me hanging not just once but multiple times. Since then I began to question my worthiness, maybe I am not good enough for goodbyes.
Maybe I am not good enough for a simple explanation why it will never be me all along. I would never want to blame you, it’s my decision all along that maybe if I try to learn how to love someone who is in love of me head over heels, I will finally be free and forget everything about us. Again, I was wrong. Totally wrong. Damn to that person who was I 6 years ago. And damn to that current me because I still cannot forgive that foolish me.
I may not fully understand your decisions but I know that if it’s what you think is the best for you, you will surely aim and go for it. I always wish you the best. I have never, at least once, did think or wish of anything unfortunate will happen to you. I am always that person, even out of the picture, will always pray and hope for your well-being.
I just want to free myself from these lingering feelings, so that the next time I will fall in love for someone, it will be that me, just me, without any regrets and fears just like I do when fell in love with you, that I will be able to give my whole self without reservations and fears.
I am always praying that you are happy, because I know that you deserve it. Just know that I didn’t hate you even once. Thank you for everything. Always be well. Sorry for all of my lapses. And goodbye TOTGA. Goodbye to my twin soul.