Dear TOTGA,
Our eight years were mostly the happiest moments of my life. Lucky enough I was able to capture and keep it. I even kept random things that you gave to me; chocolate wrappers, dried flowers, and our letters—that’s how sentimental I am. I treasured everything– every moments, and even more the person I spent it with. These remind me so much of how and why we reached this far. It pushes me to go beyond, to push more, and to see what is ahead of us.
We were happy and It was a blissful peace. I finally knew peace was: to be calm in your embrace even when circumstances turned life upside down. You were my partner-in-crime, my secret keeper, the one I shared my blankets with every night, my source of strength when I am self-doubting, and my stress reliever. One glance into your eyes and all of my problems vanished. You were my comfort zone–you were my home. And you made me believe that I am to yours.
Until one night, you suddenly woke up and decided you didn’t love me anymore and said that the spark between us is gone. It happened along with a lie for me to let you go. Why do you have to lie that you got her pregnant? And I hated you for that. I didn’t understand, I still don’t understand. Yes, you left me with so many questions: What changed? How long have you actually felt this way? What did I do?Was i fool to believe that you ever loved me. Have you ever thought of me when you did that? Or are you simply not the person I thought you were?
Maybe you’re just self-centered. Maybe the thought of other possibilities was more alluring to you than the idea of my love and commitment. I tried to look for answers, I sought clarifications from others, I did everything I could think of to find closure but maybe I may not be able to find it. So, might as well, put a bandaid to the wound you gave me and let time heals it.
How about those memories of us, those trials that we surpassed, those plans and dreams that we painted? I intend to keep them hoping for our happy ending but fate turns it the other way around. Maybe those happy memories are all destined for this—letting go of what we shared for eight years. A sad ending but I think it might be a beautiful start. You made me realize many things that I could not, for once, ever thought of in our relationship and I would like to thank you for that. Thank you for letting me see those things.
For now, let me start my long journey of letting go by sharing this glimpse of our blissful journey, painful reality, and sad ending. Remember, I always love doing this ever since we met. I have done a lot of things like this for you, mostly during our long-distance relationship. But for now, allow me to do this, as it can ease the pain that you’ve caused me and helps me to continue moving forward. Don’t get me wrong, you were once the ideal man I dreamt of. I always told you how lucky I am to have you, yet I think people really change or rather adapt to the world that they belong to ,and have to make their own choices.
I am not doing this to ask you to come back because I’m letting you go even if it is painful; as this is what you wish. I am doing this to tell you how you hurt me and no words can describe how much pain it brings. Can you just do me a favor–please make this pain worth it. I want to see you happy—happier than you were with me. I want to see you have a life-long relationship with your someone new. I am doing this to set myself free—free from holding unto the thought that you and I are meant to be. I am not doing this to tell you that you are not the best partner for me, but you were once the best for me. It just happened that you did not choose me and you have already made your choice. I am doing this to reminisce about our eight years and be thankful for those happy moments we shared—I will forever treasure them for I have learned so many things from you.
I’m slowly learning that life doesn’t always give you what you think you deserve; I’m learning that even if you give everything you’ve got, make no mistakes, yet still, you lose. So, whatever your reason was, I just want you to know that while you got someone new; someday, someone will treasure me the way I deserve to be treasured; someone will value me and see my real worth; someone who will stay when the going gets tough or when every spark seems to be gone; and someone who will fight ‘til the end.
” Sa bawat sayang, mayroong buti nalang. “
