Bahala na.. Isang katagang palagi natin naririnig tuwing di na tayo sigurado sa mga bagay na ating gagawin.
Bahala na.. ang salitang galing sa “Bathala na” na ang ibig sabihin ay pinapaubaya na naten sa mas nakatataas ang lahat.
Bahala na.. salitang paulit-ulit na naglalaro sa isip ko ngayun.
Oo, tama ka. Mahina ako dahil di ko kayang mag-desisyun hangang ngayun.
Pero ang tunay na nakatagong tanong sa bawat bigkas mo saken na mahina ako ay “Do I have a choice?”
Technically, yes I actually have a choice but can you call that a “choice” if it will make your other love ones miserable?
Oo, di ko kayang ipaglaban ang nararamdaman ko kahit alam ko na yun ang bubuo sa pagkatao ko.
Yun ang magbibigay ng linaw sa bawat hiwaga ng buhay sa tuwing pinagtatagpo tayo.
I always remember you saying “Napaginipan kita tapos kinabukasan nakita kita” but you never told me the dream itself.
And you know that, that brings me so much questions why.
Likewise, you’re always a dream since I saw you after years back from college.
But even before, there’s always a barrier between us.
Or maybe I’m just scared. Scared that you won’t feel the same towards me.
Even though the universe seems conspiring us that’s not even relevant in our situation right now.
Yes, there will always be questions of ‘what ifs’ in my heart.
And I can say that the most painful heartbreak is not the one you once had but the one you never had but I am not choosing you this time.
To you, who always bring clarity when we were still friends (at least technically now we’re more than that), thank you.
Thank you for making me feel this way. Yes, it hurts so bad but that only proves that the feelings are real.
I’ll end up this letter by ‘Bahala na’ not because I am not choosing you but because I can’t choose you.
And there is only one way to have a choice.. that is to let God do His plans for us.
After all who knows, malay mo sa huli, tayo.