Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
In a world full of confusion, be the one who demands and establishes clarity and certainty.
Our relationships with people should have two things: boundaries and clarity.
These are your limitations physically and emotionally. It is a must that we know and we set boundaries.
Boundaries allow us to live freely, they help us maximize the freedom we have.
Physical boundaries are important because it is our way of protecting our bodies and protecting other people’s emotions. We’ll never know if an act stirs up a person’s emotions, be careful and be mindful.
What are emotional boundaries and why are they important?
Emotional boundaries are our limitations on what we share and expose to other people. Emotional intimacy happens when a person knows your flaws, secrets and weaknesses. Only married people can share this type of intimacy.
If we fail to guard our emotions and words towards other people, there may be no physical intimacy but we are risking ourselves to emotional intimacy. It is giving yourself to a person without actually wanting to give yourself. It’s dangerous.
When we are naked, we show who we are. A married couple experiences intimacy when they are having sex because they are accepting a person despite every flaw and blemish. That’s the same thing with sharing too much of ourselves to people of the opposite sex, we share intimacy with them.
Your intentions should be clear to yourself and to other people. Don’t let anyone suffer just because you are not certain and you are confused.
Do not allow yourself to be in a situation where everything’s complicated. If in case you are experiencing confusion, demand clarity.
For things to be clear, you must set boundaries.
Here are the six stages in dating:
1. GROUP DATING
The purpose is for us to build friendships. The goal is accountability.
If you’re interested to a certain person, ask the person’s friends for a group date with your friends.
Hindi kailangan na partner partner. Hindi kailangan na same number ang girls and boys. Again, ang gusto natin ay makapag-build ng friendships.
When people are engaging in ‘MU’ or ‘Magulong Usapan’, they become exclusive without the idea of marriage. People who engage in no-label relationships enjoy benefits of exclusivity without the commitment and consequences. Exclusivity begins at engagement. Hindi sa friendship, hindi sa group dates.
‘WAG KA MAG ASSUME. Build trust, build friendship. Look at them as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Group dating is great because whether it leads to courtship or not, you are friends with this person and to their friends.
2. EXCLUSIVELY DATING
Your goal is to get to know each other.
But here’s the catch, getting to know a person is different from courting.
If you’re interested to know more about a woman, ask her out for an exclusive date. Give it a month or so. Women, give these men a chance kahit ayaw mo. Men are afraid to court or ask women out because they’re afraid to be rejected.
This is the time to check and see if this person meets your standards. This is the time where a man wants to know a woman in a personal manner.
PERO ‘WAG MAG ASSUME DITO. During exclusive dating, remember: they just want to know you more, they don’t like you, they don’t love you at hindi ka pa nila papakasalan.
If you’re going on an exclusive date, be accountable to your leader and common friends. Also, know your limits. Hindi ‘yan buong araw na date, getting to know a person palang.
The goal of courtship is establishing commitment.
During this phase, a man is certain that he wants to pursue a woman.
He wants to pursue her because he wants to marry her.
Inuulit ko, kaya ka nanliligaw dahil gusto mo pakasalan ‘yong tao. The moment na tumawid ka sa courtship, wala ng balikan.
4. COOL OFF
During cool off, our goal is to give ourselves a chance to talk to God and to hear from Him.
We put a gap for us to be focused on God. Naririnig natin si Lord kung maghihiwalay o itutuloy sa marriage.
May mga nag-cool off na nagkakabalikan. May mga nag-cool off na naghihiwalay pero hindi na gano’n kasakit dahil naiintindihan niyo pareho na si God ang pinakinggan at sinunod niyo.
Don’t worry, kung maghiwalay man kayo, you have your accountabilities to help you move on. You have friends to catch you and God is with you.
This phase will teach you how to be one. The goal is marriage.
You’re not going to try things out, you’re not going to try if you’re sexually compatible.
“Ilang anak ang gusto mo?”
“Saan mo gusto ikasal?”
DITO ITO PAG UUSAPAN HINDI SA FRIENDSHIP STAGE OR GROUP DATE.
During engagement, we must set an intimacy plan. Be accountable.
This is the goal.
Women, it says in Proverbs 31:10 that excellent wives are far more precious than jewels. You must be hidden in God and you must stay at the center of God’s will. Only a man who seeks and loves God can find you.
You are far more valuable than a chat, ‘wag papayag na sa messenger ka lang ipupursue. You are worthy to be pursued.
Lastly, be patient. Your active waiting matters.
Men, it says in Proverbs 12:15 that the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. You must be teachable, you must be accountable and you must be careful.
Do not put labels, ‘wag labelan pag ‘di mo pa asawa. Hindi pa sa iyo ‘yan.
Lastly, man up. Your Christ-like leadership matters.
// I attended an event for Singles last February. I took notes and added some insights. Sana may natutunan ka. 🙂 //