Dear Miguel, These are the Things You Don’t Want to Hear

I confessed to you. You made it clear, it is not possible.
And yes, I already know that.
Because you said you are in a relationship.
We were in a very bad situation, that we shouldn't be at.
Things that should have never happened between us.
I was back and forth moving on.

And I decided to end it totally,
But... I want you to know that,

I am trying to be brave every time I want to address with you directly what I am feeling.
I thought it will make me feel better.
I thought I could get answers.
I thought if I am being frank with you, you'll be honest with me.
But, no.
Later that conversation, all I see are the opposites.
I told you what I am feeling, but after that I got hurt even more.
Or? It is my fault that I expected that you'll somehow treat me right, consider my emotions.
And stop flirting and entertaining her.
But, no.
Later that conversation, I find out that you lied about what I asked you.
You were sick then, I cared. I gave you something.
You said you'll take it.
But, no.
I saw it untouched with your things.

Too many times you lied to my face.

You said you are in a relationship.
But, why.
Why are you like this.
You said, "What happened with her, it is nothing"
Then, why. Just why.
Do you like her, that you want to keep her...
even if you are in a relationship?
Do you like her, because you think she is fine with being there.. dangling?
Do you like her, because she makes you feel that important?

It pains me to fall for someone who is "unavailable".
It pains me to fall for a cheater like you, knowing that you are this kind of a boy.
It pains me a lot to be caught up in this situation with you.
It pains me a lot to find and do many ways this much just to move on.
And here you are, unreactive.
Never sorry.
Never a man.
No decency to standup for what happened.

They say never wish someone bad, but if only you can feel how I am feeling right now.
If only you can feel how confusing it is.
If only you can see what you are doing.
If only you know the struggle to find console to the same person who hurt you.
If only you can be in my head, trying to understand what is happening.
 
Meeting you at first was fun, but I think it was meant to be ruined.
I hope the world will do its magic make us not see each other again.


Good bye.