You know how it feels like losing him meant losing a huge part of you as well?
For days, you mope around, as if on auto-pilot, carrying all the shattered pieces of your heart, with a newly-discovered repulsion to sweet couples, a sudden aversion to love songs, and a new resolve to hate love itself.
This goes on until you decide to stop it. Then you realize, you weren’t this cynical before. You were one of those who believed in happy endings. You were a sucker for sappy tales of romance. You were a major hopeless romantic.
But gone was that self. You’ve changed. Pain made you change. Losing him made you change.
You lose the part of you which listened to upbeat party music, and instead, you now choose to wallow in melancholia while December Avenue’s Dahan plays on the background.
You lose the part of you which craved for that special Pinoy halo-halo because it used to be your go-to place whenever both of you can’t decide where or what to eat so choose the ever-ambiguous “kahit saan”.
You lose the part of you which could wolf down half a gallon of ice cream over the first half of a movie because you used to share the other half of it with him.
You lose the adventurous part of yourself that craved for the mountains, for the strange, foreign roads, and for the undiscovered beaches because he used to be your sole travel buddy who understood your connection with the outdoors.
You lose the part of yourself that was always updating on Facebook or Instagram because he used to be your skilled and supportive photographer.
You lose the part of you who was always inspired to do better, to challenge your own limits, and to always reach your goals because he used to be your greatest motivator.
You lose the part of you that writes about the beauty of love and life, of happiness, of strength, of courage, of butterflies, because he was the one who you used to owe and offer all your poetry to.
He used to be your words and your rhymes. He used to be the object of all your lines.
But now, he’s gone. But not entirely out from your life.
You still have traces of him, in the songs he made you listen to, in his favorite movies which you used to watch together, in the food places you may never get to enjoy the same way again, in all the poetry you may write again someday when your heart allows you to.
In time, he’ll be completely gone from your system, but for now, you’ll have to deal with losing that huge part of yours.
You lost a part of yourself when you lost him.
In God’s perfect time, when his traces will no longer hurt you, you’ll have your broken pieces healed, and you’ll find that part of yourself again.