Finally, letting you go, bestie.

Since this emotion first began five long years ago, I have made the honest decision to ignore it since I am aware of the distance between us. However, I never anticipated that as I kept the feeling hidden, it would just get worse. I’ve kept my affection hidden from you for the five years that we’ve been close. I want to fill my heart with satisfaction even if it means admiring you from a distance before I give up trying to forget this emotion aside from the fact that it was incredibly difficult, it is what I want to do. I did, however, feel bad every time we were together as I got older and this feeling grew stronger. I shouldn’t feel this way about you because you just think of me as your sister, best friend, and comforter. My mind continues telling me that your nice gestures, smiles, concerns, and acts are simply casual things coming from a best friend, but my heart keeps telling me that they are anything special. I’m angry with myself because I can’t even control my feelings while you are nearby. My heart, even makes me appear silly and deluded. I am the only one who is clinging to this one-sided love, therefore I am aware from the beginning that the possibility of “us” is as hazy as the fog. I cannot quit thinking about you and obsessing over everything you do. It may sound cowardly, but my heart has been suffering greatly because of you. I know that it is a selfish act coming from your finest person, but I intend to keep my distance from you. I’m not sure if it will help, but for now, I just want to go from you as quickly as I can. Imagine that I have secretly admired you for five long years while you have been in a relationship with someone else and that I have even assisted the two of you in resolving conflicts. While I was dying from my heartbreak at witnessing your intense love for her, I helped you to be happy with her. I know that I’m accountable for the pain because I never meant confessing to you, but I was well aware that it was not just my heart that had broken into pieces, but also our friendship. It’s been five years and you’ve never noticed my glances and smiles while looking at you because you were entangled chasing another person. I shall make an effort to cope with the discomfort of separating myself from you in order to save US. I am aware that this is extremely self-centered, but this time, may I choose peace? I might be able to accept that there is no hope of us getting along in the future, but not right now. I’m sorry if I avoided updating you today, which I know you need at this point. I’m also sorry that I can’t make you laugh and send you memes when you’re down. I’m also sorry that I can’t be there for you any longer; for the time being, I’ll prefer to keep my distance. You can be sure that you’ll still have me as your best shareholder once I’ve fully recovered and moved on.