How to Fall Back in Love: A Guide for Singles Seeking Meaningful Relationships
Falling back in love isn’t just about rekindling old flames—it’s about maintaining and enhancing the connection in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself. Here are insightful ways to cultivate a loving relationship with yourself and potential partners:
- Choose Your Words with Love:
Words have power. When you’re frustrated or impatient, take a breath before you speak. Ask yourself if what you’re about to say will build you up or break you down. Speak to yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would want a partner to speak to you.
But, walking in love with our words means we “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). - Cultivate Positive Thoughts:
Criticism can often spiral into contempt, not just for others but for oneself. Challenge negative self-talk by affirming your worth and focusing on your strengths. Remember, self-contempt can block love from others. Fill your mind with thoughts that uplift and support your well-being.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8). - Adopt a Loving Posture Towards Life:
How you approach life impacts how you view relationships. If you’re always rushing or stressed, you might carry that into your interactions. Slow down, savor the moment, and embrace a more relaxed approach to life. This can improve how you connect with others and yourself.
“Put on then … compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you” (Colossians 3:12-13). - Seek External Support When Needed:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV).
Everyone needs help sometimes, whether from friends, family, or professionals. If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed or stuck, reaching out for support can provide a fresh perspective and help you recharge. This is essential for maintaining emotional availability in relationships. - Invest in Your Friendships:
Strong relationships are built on the foundation of solid friendship. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, nurturing your friendships can enhance your romantic life. Friends help you grow, laugh, and find joy in everyday moments, which can make you a better partner. - Be Open to Forgiveness:
Holding onto grudges, whether against yourself or others, can hinder your capacity for love. Learn to forgive and move forward. This doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful behaviors, but rather allowing yourself to heal from past wounds. - Fall back in love by rediscovering your friendship:
Gottman’s research shows the most important factor in a couple’s ability to maintain loving feelings is the quality of their friendship. Unfortunately, for many couples, friendship is the first thing to be sacrificed on the altar of busyness.
If you want to learn to enjoy each other again, or simply never “fall out of love” in the first place, focus on your friendship. If you’re having trouble finding time together, drop out of some activities, give the kids a bedtime, or change your job. Do whatever it takes to ensure that you have time to enjoy each other as friends. Go on dates, find new hobbies together, garden, fish, or dance. Anything, as long as it’s fun for both of you.
By integrating these practices into your daily life, you prepare yourself not just to find love, but to be in love—with life, with others, and most importantly, with yourself. Remember, a loving relationship with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships in your life.