I Almost Fell into a Toxic Relationship

It was during quarantine na may guy akong nakausap through chats. He is broken hearted daw and he asked me na kung pwede kausapin ko sya. Then as a good fellow since nakikita ko naman sya noon as acquaintance. He is sad daw. And my fault is dahil may pagka witty ako natuwa naman sya. He like me daw to talk with because I make him laugh. He also tell na may ibang girl din syang nakakausap but ayaw daw nya dun. He even sent yung screen shot ng convo nila (and to describe, parang half meant na green jokes ganun). I never judged him even the girl. I don’t know anything. Then I thought he is wholesome talaga. And the story goes on he want daw to go back to his ex. And since ako yung nakakausap nya, I encourage him na suyuin yung ex nya. I know that time na un bothered pa ako. I gave him advice and set my boundary since follower na ako noon ng Boiling Water, avid commenter pa nga. Haha. So ayun, magchachat sya, mag a update na pumunta daw sya, umiiyak daw sya, nasaktan daw sya, kaya gusto lang daw nya ng kausap. Then may time na nagsabi na sya sa akin na kung pwede wag na kaming mag usap kase baka daw maging rebound nya ako. So ayun di ko na kinausap. Then after maybe days, nagusap uli kami, tapos nagra rant sya then ang mali ko I MADE MYSELF EASILY ACCESSIBLE para sa kanya. Napupuyat na ako until 2 am. And may mga sinasabi syang biro na parang pang spg. I don’t get what he really mean. Mahina ang spiritual life ko noon. Then here it goes, he became weird na. He is sending not good pics not good memes and I delete it. Mali ako na tinotolerate ko yun at kinakausap pa rin sya. Since ang akala ko Christian sya and nagulat ako. But I told myself not to judge. I defined it in wrong way.

Then may time na he asked me if I could promise daw na support ko daw sya. Then I said yes as friend. Then after days ulit. He is calling me bhe, babe, ganern. Then sends “mahal mo ba ako?” Sabay remove message. Things na lalong nagpakaba sa akin. Then that day, he said that he will go to his ex. Akala ko yung ex nya but his other ex daw iba name eh. Haha. He is sending mixed signals, “babe pauwi na ako”, “mahal kita” sabay remove. Then syempre napapa assume na ako. He also said that day na balak daw nya mangligaw ng girl. Sawa na daw sya maglaro and gusto na nya magseryoso. That was the day na I feel literally dizzy nagka migraine ata ako noon. Then during that night nagkwento sya na nakipag usap daw sya sa ex nya other ex. May sasabihin daw sya sa akin na akala mo napakaimportante. Since I thought it may be my last time to talk with him, naging marupok, I told hin “gusto kita (but not as deep as that.)” As a friend. Ganun. Then he replied, “Gusto rin kita pero hindi pa ito yung time.”

That was the begining of my first Mutual Understanding. My big mistake is I’ve been too easy to like him. And I let him confuse me. We meet outside and I was shocked kase he insisted “holding hands in public” I really feel uncomfortable that time. Then he told me that he is really done and he will pursue me. Haha. But that time I discern something. Then we go to date haha. And nagtataka ako ang tagal nya mag cr. Haha. Laging may kachat but I think it’s his acquaintances. Then he told me na he will meet his long lost friends in Makati because he invited him daw to see his friend’s place. Then he said na umupo kami in the corner then I was so shocked na niyayakap na nya ako. I told him to stop. Sabi ko PDA. Buti na lang dumating si manong guard. I never imagined myself doing that kahit pa sa pinangarap kong magi bf. Nanginginig ako that time.

Then that day whole day syang di nag-chat haha. First time yun and di naman sya ganun before. But I don’t bother. He then posted in his story a drawing then may love pa heart. And sweet. I remember the signature haha. Then after that whole day he chatted me calling me “love” hahaha. Sabi nya naka-meet daw nya yung mga ka clan nya sa online games. And Nagtaka na ako bat iba na yung ka meet nya.

Then ipinakilala ko n sya sa pamilya ko. Wahaha. Sabi ko may usapan kami. Haha. But when he is in our house ang clingy nya na akala mo kami na. He steal kiss sa cheeks, noo tapos nararamdaman ko yung hands nya like ungentleman act. Then here he comes sa chat na giving half meant jokes. About carnal topics. Giving me command to search that word, and telling yung mga intimate activities nila ng exes nya. I really feel uncomfortable that time. But may pambawi sya na napipilit lng daw sya. Since ako ang belief ko is may chance pa magbago o baka nagbago na baka he is trying to be transparent. Then I told to him na don’t be too clingy/touchy lalo na pag nasa bahay kase di naman ganun dapat respeto dapat. Then dun na sya nagsabi na wag na kami maging sweet sa isa’t isa wahaha.

Bagyo nun I remember. Sabi ko sa kanya paiksiin na lang namin yung courtship time then dun kami nagdefine the relationship. All I know is clear na may “ligawan”. But he offer an MU daw. But sabi ko ayaw ko ng MU. Then ayun na he admitted na yung girl na lagi nyang kinukwento is also nililigawan din nya. Yung girl na sinasabi nyang friends lang daw and sinasakyan lang daw nya ang pang fi-flirt sa online game is yung ka-date nya noon sa makati at hindi mga ka-online clan nya. Then I was so hurt that time sobrang sakit sa ulo. How could he fool me when I am so nice to him. Lagi kong sinasabi na kung di talaga sya seryoso we can be friends. But he keep on insisting na he is serious. Yet at the first niloloko na nya ako.

Then when we talked personally yung bungad ng word nya sa akin, kung willing daw ba ako maghintay sa kanya. (That other girl needs him daw). Then I asked, why did he do that sa pilit na kalmadong tono. He said “Para kapag iniwan ako ng isa meron pang isa. Actually lima kayong kausap ko, ay walo pala then may nagustuhan akong dalawa, kayo yun.” Then he told me pa, “Uy magchat ka pa rin sa akin ha.”

We communicated kase I am helping him sa isa nyang subject and di ko naman sinusumbat yon. He still come in our house. But then here he bacame more creepy, he chats me, “___ tayo” then I thought he is joking. Akala ko biro lang. Then he opened a secret convo. Yung last convo namin is so triggering, he detailed yung kwento ng intimate activieties nya with his exesssss. And asking me. But as my firm word, “No”. He said pa nga na bahala daw ako pag ayaw ko, he will find another girl. And at my mind, kami ba bat nya ako tinatakot ng ganito?

We did not talked. And decided to end everything. I know if nagpadala ako sa temptation nya, pagsisisihan ko rin sa huli. Ladies if a guy is really loving you, he will not let you be confused. He will never tell those kind of stuff. He will never tempt you to do things that will ruin you. I wrote this to warn you about this kind of guys. They have the most coldest heart. Why? Because they never thought that may mga girls silang nasasaktan, at nasisira ang buhay. I feel sorry sa mga exes nya na nawalan ng v card just because they were younger and easily manipulated. It’s ok to be single and legit na single talaga kaysa naman sa magpadala sa sweet talks ng isang playboi, sadboi and fboi. Just give youself to a guy that will give not just a ring, but will replace your surname to his’.