Young man, humble and kind, I see something different in your eyes.
Each time you speak, your words have authority, filled with wisdom and grace.
Young man, why do you make me smile? There is such gentleness in your heart
that radiates when you laugh so quietly. You say weird jokes, and I’m not supposed
to like it, but somehow, I do.
Young man, how can you be so vulnerable in front of me? You tell me your struggles,
your strengths, weaknesses and your dreams. Somehow, I find myself doing the same thing.
Young man, when I’m with you, my heart is contented and happy. We walked through beautiful gardens, sat near lakeshores, played board games at parks and talked about life, enjoyed long rides and ate at foods I have never tried before.
Young man, I see how you care for me, but I also see the difference on how you care for her.
Yes, the woman whom you have prayed for a long time but somehow she broke your heart.
I see the way you look at her when we talk, the way you ran to open the car door when she is about to get in, the way you were willing to wait outside her home when she has to shower and change clothes, the way you stood beside her and held her hand on that night when we prayed in a circle with our Spiritual Family. The way you always ask her if she needs help carrying things, the way you replied first in the group chat when she asks for favor.
I see it, young man.
I understand it too, that maybe when you were walking through dark times, here I came along, a bubbly and cheerful lady that filled your life with sunshine and hope. But then, maybe I’m not the one you really have your eyes on all along. Because I see it. I know you enough to know that she is still the one your heart is praying for.
Young man, I’m sorry if I’m slowly taking a few steps back away from you. I’m sorry if I won’t text you as much as I did before. Sorry if I won’t be there to hear your wonderful stories, and your dreams. Sorry if I won’t be available the next time you ask me to go see the trees, to walk through gardens and sit beside the lakeshore. I’m sorry if I won’t be there with you on long drives, enjoying music and having fun or vulnerable conversations.
I admit, I will miss these moments with you. But I have to take care of myself first and most especially, my heart. We can still communicate, and see each other, but young man, I won’t stay for too long. So I’m sorry. And I care for you enough to let you go, for you to be truly happy.
Young man, I see it. So I’m saying goodbye to these emotions that might break me in the future.