Of course it was hard in the beginning.
Moving on has always been a process. It can make you weak, tired, anxious, depressed, lonely but speaking on its brighter side, it can make you wiser and stronger than what you were before.
I never thought that my love for him will go that far. Before he entered in my life, i know that love is always taking a risk. That love is unpredictable in so many ways. That’s why, I keep on reminding myself that feelings can be shallow sometimes. Everything will change and once it changes, we cannot do anything to undo it unless if we try. But if we really can’t, we need to accept its consequences no matter how worst it could be. That’s what i thought before i know him.
Then i fell to one of his traps. I fell in love with him to the point that i made him my world. Loving him was like taking drugs. Without him, i’m empty. He made me feel so special. He even surprised me with things i didn’t expect. He comforted me with his words and gestures. He cared for me when i was feeling down or insecure. He made me happy when I’m sad. His presence alone could make me smile. Those were his traps because as time went by, i was getting used to it. Then i forgot that thought of what if he’s not always around? What if his feelings is gone? What will i do then? I’ve been in relationships before and so i thought, this one could be different. That he was different but i was wrong. He’s like with anybody else. He suddenly changed. He just left me for someone else.
You know was it like losing someone who already has a special place in your heart and knowing he found already someone new? It makes you desperate and fragile. It will break your heart into pieces that’s why i say, heartbreak sucks. I keep on wondering, was it my fault? Am i not enough for him to keep? Where did i go wrong? I supposed to know all of this because I’ve been here before but this time, i think its different. Love is supposed to be not selfish but it only makes us doubt about ourselves.
I need to lose him to love myself more because i realized i lose myself in the process of getting back what we had before. I need to lose him to take good care of my heart from now on because i realized that happiness is an inside job, and so, i don’t have to depend it to others. I need to lose him to win myself back because i know I’m worthy to be loved, that there’s nothing wrong on me and that love I’ve been giving is deserve by someone who will never make me hurt and doubt.
Love is a wonderful thing and it always moves in mysterious ways. Maybe before i was not able to give myself more that it deserves, but this time, i know what i have to do. I know i have to deal with it.
To all who has lost their way because of loving a wrong peron, remember, the one that truly loves us will never leave us. That one is none other than but ourselves. It starts within ourselves. Our “self” is all what we have and it will never leave us. Learn to love yourself first so that you will not lose yourself in the process. The choice is in our hands.
