“It’s love”, He said
“It’s not”, Finally, I’ve proven
Maybe at some point in our time, it was truly love. It has been years already when you confessed your love for me. It was like a huge storm raging all over me, unexpectedly. I thought, it wasn’t serious. A puppy love as what they used to call it. A kind of love that easily fades. No commitments but I gave you chances and you gave me promises. It was like our exchanged vows. Something that we should tightly keep and hold on to. Something precious that whatever may happen, we’ll keep coming back to each other’s arms. And that we have something to look forward; the possibility of you and me, the possibility of us, the possibility of our happy ending. My feelings for you were still measurable. It weren’t too deep compared to yours. But as time went by, you unexpectedly still remained by my side. As time went by, I lost count of how much I like you, I forgot to measure everything and so, I fell deeper and deeper in love with you. The deeper I fell, the tighter I held on to your promises. It was like everything about you, about us, depends on the promises you gave me. Years have passed, I was so sure you were still holding the chances I gave you. I was so sure that when you’ll ask me again, I’ll finally open my doors that have been closed for so long enough. I was so sure of you, not until you suddenly stopped asking about me. You stopped asking about us. You stopped asking about love. The excitement. The hype. All gone. That was when the special treatment stopped. When I stopped measuring my feelings for you, I started to measure your love for me. I made sure not to lost count on it. Your love became measurable until I cannot measure anymore, for there was nothing left to measure. I kept telling myself, “it was love because if it wasn’t, he shouldn’t have stayed longer”, “or maybe I was being too hard and difficult and confusing, he’s a human too, so he got tired of pursuing you”. That’s how I sincerely loved you, I made excuses for you no matter how reality hit me. The reality that “I am not worthy enough, so you stopped pursuing”, “I don’t matter anymore to you”, “I am just some girl you used to like. I am not the woman that you wanted to journey with you to your future.”.
Love is supposed to be clear and immeasurable. If it was love, why it confused me? If it was love, why it made me measure love? Do we really need to indulge ourselves in commitments just to make things clear? What if I easily say yes to commitment, but ending up worst? Nothing is sure. Nothing is clear. If he loves you truly, he will never get tired of showing you his intentions. Intentions to pursue you no matter how confusing you are, no matter how difficult you are. He’ll never give you confusion because he is sure. It takes a lot of time, it takes a lot of patience to see that a woman is also into you and to finally hear her “I love yous”.
You already bid goodbye to my chances I gave you. It’s time for me to let go of your promises too. I guess, there’s no more happy endings to look forward with you. We’ll end up here, just like this.
-SilentThoughts
