Not Today
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Not Today

I prayed for the day wherein I will be able to smile.

I prayed for the day where all the pain that resided my heart will go away.

I prayed for the day where I can be as happy as you are. Or even more than that if it’s not too much to ask.

I prayed for the day where I am not affected by your presence and every thing you do.

I prayed for the day where I am healed, restored, and transformed.

I prayed.

I did.

And today, still isn’t the day.

Today is still not the day where I will realize the reason behind every thing that happened.

Today is still not the day where I fully comprehend why things turned up like that.

Today is not the day.

But, I’m getting by.

Every day.

Every day I try to smile.

Every day I tell myself that pain isn’t what I have in my heart.

Every day I laugh as loud as I can.

Every day I watch you from afar, pretending that your presence is okay.

Every day, I still pray for healing, restoration, and transformation.

Faking it, ’til I make it?

No.

I am putting my faith to Him.

As I tell myself every day that things will be alright, I am also laying every thing down in front of my Creator.

As I remind myself that pain isn’t what I have in my heart, I ask God for love and joy.

As I try to laugh out loud, my insides cry as much.

As I pretend you don’t exist, God reminds me that He loves you, too.

And, as I pray for healing, restoration, and transformation, I also pray for yours.

Maybe, today is not the day.

But I know, we are closer to that day.

That day is going to be the someday I have been praying for.

That day will be someday.

love, s.