I must admit that the pain is still here. I believe they all need time to assure that once I let them go one by one, there’s no way they could find their way back to me. it was a bit funny because the more I protect my heart from the damages, the more it attracts the people who were not here to stay with me forever with good motives.
I still get hurt for how you tend to push me away when you were hurting, making my concern irrelevant. I stood there with you on your toughest moments when you needed an outlet to carry your heaviest burdens. I swallowed all of them although it was invading my sanity.
I still hear some self-blames every night hoping that will all vanish sooner.
I just want you to be happy, to be real, to be where you wanted to be whether it has me on it or not.
I know that there’s nothing more to wait for, there nothing more to expect from us.
PS:
Perhaps, it was nothing but just a painful ‘almost’ that I dressed with positivity and high anticipations. Maybe I over-read the words he said or took his metaphors as reality. Maybe I just misinterpreted his attention and uphold the idea of having someone who sees the world identical to my perspective.
Maybe it was just me who broke my heart from expecting
that love should be received on the same weight
just because it’s something that you gave.
