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“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
When I first saw you, it might not be as thrilling when Jack met Rose for the first time on the enormous ship. It might not be as mysterious when Romeo first laid his eyes on Juliet at the ball. But for me, it was special. By that time, I already knew you would turn my serenity into chaos.
At first, I was confused. Each time you enter the room, my heart would flutter at your presence. My eyes will begin to glimmer at the sight of you. My knees are buckling whenever you’re near, my voice will begin to shake every time you greet me good morning and the hundreds of ideas, words, metaphors I hide in my brain will suddenly vanish into thin air. In a snap, I’m lost for words.
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I ask myself all the time why I feel like this. Is it just a simple admiration of how hardworking you are? Maybe I’m only inspired by your passion? Maybe I aspire to be you? But it seems like the universe gave me a slap and told me, “No, dumb-ass. You’re in love.” And that realization terrified and is still terrifying me.
Why does it have to be you? Of all people, why do I have to be in love with someone whose light is someone else? Why do I have to be in love with the person who doesn’t feel the same way? Why am I in love with you?
I want to stop feeling this way towards you but forgive me, I couldn’t control my heart. I wouldn’t do anything that can cause harm even though you turned my serenity into chaos. I wouldn’t risk anything to break this bond that we formed. Let me just admire you from afar and maybe one day.. one day, this too shall pass.
Forgive me but let me just keep asking myself. Of all roses, why does it have to be you?