Dear self, 

I know you’ve been struggling lately. You’re not yourself and you seemed lost in a place you’ve never been before. I know you’re wandering thru the midst of nothingness right now — unable to find the right path and where your purpose leads you. I know your heart is laden heavily that you’re having a hard time carrying it. I’ve seen you fighting countless sleepless nights. It’s not easy. I know that. 

I’m sorry for sometimes you become weak and could hardly fight. Sorry for fear and overthinking had overpowered you. You told me that you tried your best to neglect it but a cold prickle of terror crept over you, like needles in the skin. You managed to appear utterly independent when you were, in fact, desperately in need of company. I’m sorry for giving you a hard time. I know you’re exhausted but thank you. 

Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for still waking up each day with vigor to perdure life. Thank you for still finding the courage to keep going even if you’re almost giving up. Thank you for opening your mind to look at the brighter side of every circumstances. Thank you for still smiling even though you’re already drowning in the depths of your emotions. Thank you for your determination to move on with life regardless of how difficult it is for you. Thank you for staying and not giving up. 

You might have impressed a lot of people with your strength and determination, but where did it left you? In the void. Utterly alone. You see, it’s okay to share your sorrow to others. I know how reluctant you are in sharing it to people because you’ve been judged and criticized but keep in mind that there are still genuine people who are willing to listen to you without a chink of judgment. Stop shutting people out and try opening your doors to the world. Stop confining yourself into that lofty walls you built and start welcoming people in your heart. 

Trust me, you’ll love it. I know you’re yearning for that freedom — freedom to love and be loved, to express your love, to be passionate about life. It’s okay, I promise. Be like the sun, it’s all alone but it still shines. 

An open letter to a struggling self