It won’t be too bad if I confess that yes, there are moments when I think about you. There are moments when I try to close my eyes and remember that smile on your face; the way that you laugh and the way that you grin. I would giggle at the thought of always waiting for moments when you smile or laugh and never wanting to miss any of those moments. So, most of the time, I would look at you in secret. Your laughter and your smile always melt me every time. I have to admit that yes, I think about how it feels to be close to you. I think about how it feels to hold your hand. I think about how it feels to feel your hug. I think about how we would spend the day together – just the two of us. I think about how we would laugh at each other or how we would easily get picked by our words. I think about how we’d go about deep conversations. I think about how we’d agree and disagree about certain views in life. Am I thinking too much? Is it too much to think about these things?
I think I have fallen in love; the depth may not be determined at this moment, but I know my heart, somewhere there, is longing to be yours. If I could give my heart, I would. But, how can I give my heart if this is not what you want; if it’s not me that you want? How can I tell you that I have fallen for you if you actually don’t feel the same way, too? Should I just keep this to myself? Should I just pretend that I don’t actually feel these butterflies in my stomach whenever you’re around? I wish to feel that you like me the same way that I do. But, they say that action speaks louder than words. You don’t show any sign that you do like me. You are very quiet about how you feel. I wish to know, but I could only wish.
I wish I knew what’s in your heart. I wish I knew to whom it beats for. I wish it was mine. My heart is almost at the brink of breaking out. I wanted to know. I badly wanted to know. I wish you had the courage to tell me how you really feel. I wish to see you come to me and speak your mind. I wish you would come to me without reason – you just want to be with me. I wish you put on that robe of hope that maybe, just maybe, that I like you too. I could only wish.
They say that you feel something for me. They can see, but why can’t I? I don’t feel like I am longed for. I don’t feel like you wanted me to be yours. I don’t feel like you wanted to see “us” in the future. I don’t feel like you’re doing anything to make me feel special. I don’t feel like you’re putting an effort. I don’t feel like you’re taking the risk. I don’t feel like you’re really into me. Maybe because after all, you never laid your eyes on me. Maybe because after all, I was just looking forward to things which shall never come. Maybe because after all, this is just a one-sided feeling. Maybe because after all, I’m just another pretty assuming woman. Maybe because after all, we’re not just meant to be. This heart is beating for you, but I guess this time I’ll have to close this chapter of my life. I have gone enough. I have waited enough and I don’t think I still can wait. At this moment, you’re the man, but maybe you’re not the one.
P.S. I still hope you’re the one.
