Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
It won’t be too bad if I confess that yes, there are moments when I think about you. There are moments when I try to close my eyes and remember that smile on your face; the way that you laugh and the way that you grin. I would giggle at the thought of always waiting for moments when you smile or laugh and never wanting to miss any of those moments. So, most of the time, I would look at you in secret. Your laughter and your smile always melt me every time. I have to admit that yes, I think about how it feels to be close to you. I think about how it feels to hold your hand. I think about how it feels to feel your hug. I think about how we would spend the day together – just the two of us. I think about how we would laugh at each other or how we would easily get picked by our words. I think about how we’d go about deep conversations. I think about how we’d agree and disagree about certain views in life. Am I thinking too much? Is it too much to think about these things?
I think I have fallen in love; the depth may not be determined at this moment, but I know my heart, somewhere there, is longing to be yours. If I could give my heart, I would. But, how can I give my heart if this is not what you want; if it’s not me that you want? How can I tell you that I have fallen for you if you actually don’t feel the same way, too? Should I just keep this to myself? Should I just pretend that I don’t actually feel these butterflies in my stomach whenever you’re around? I wish to feel that you like me the same way that I do. But, they say that action speaks louder than words. You don’t show any sign that you do like me. You are very quiet about how you feel. I wish to know, but I could only wish.
I wish I knew what’s in your heart. I wish I knew to whom it beats for. I wish it was mine. My heart is almost at the brink of breaking out. I wanted to know. I badly wanted to know. I wish you had the courage to tell me how you really feel. I wish to see you come to me and speak your mind. I wish you would come to me without reason – you just want to be with me. I wish you put on that robe of hope that maybe, just maybe, that I like you too. I could only wish.
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They say that you feel something for me. They can see, but why can’t I? I don’t feel like I am longed for. I don’t feel like you wanted me to be yours. I don’t feel like you wanted to see “us” in the future. I don’t feel like you’re doing anything to make me feel special. I don’t feel like you’re putting an effort. I don’t feel like you’re taking the risk. I don’t feel like you’re really into me. Maybe because after all, you never laid your eyes on me. Maybe because after all, I was just looking forward to things which shall never come. Maybe because after all, this is just a one-sided feeling. Maybe because after all, I’m just another pretty assuming woman. Maybe because after all, we’re not just meant to be. This heart is beating for you, but I guess this time I’ll have to close this chapter of my life. I have gone enough. I have waited enough and I don’t think I still can wait. At this moment, you’re the man, but maybe you’re not the one.
P.S. I still hope you’re the one.
