Pag okay na!

J,

Sa totoo lang you never caught my attention nung una tayo nag meet sa church niyo. Maybe I was too preoccupied dahil naoverwhelmed ako sa mga tao nasa paligid ko at sa mga pinakikilala sakin na kaibigan/church family mo. I was so shy kasi feeling ko nasakin lahat ng attention, and I’m not used to it. Hindi ako sanay na tignan o pansinin, dahil sa totoo lang, I’m just an average girl. Yung babae na hindi nabibigyan ng second look, dahil hindi naman ako kagandahan. I’m petite and chubby kaya naman minsan napapagkamalan bata.

Ewan ko ba kung kelan kita nagustuhan. I just found myself asking about you from your friends.

So I asked your bestfriend, (who by the way introduce me to you) kung straight ka ba? I mean, naninigurado lang and hindi kasi ako mahilig sa maputi at chinito. Tapos youre so gentle and nice to everyone pa.

Then, we went to a BBQ party for one of your church family friend. I was always with C, pero ikaw hinahanap-hanap ng mata ko. Kaso you were too busy entertaining other visitors dahil syempre, they’re your church family after all. Again, feeling ko nasakin ung attention, hence to get out from the awkward situation, nag pahatid na ako pauwi sa bestfriend mo. Pero I kind of regret it kasi before I leave, pinakilala mo sakin dad mo. It didn’t sinked in na pinakilala mo siya until nasa car na ako. Pero syempre, for you random lang yung pakilala mo ako sa dad mo, pero sakin that’s different.

Tapos sobrang flattered ko pa when your bestfriend told me you wanted to do photoshoot with me. Sobra ako kinilig ako pero nahihiya ako mag YES! agad, kaya dinidivert ko ung question pag tinatanong ako.

Then, when I left London, nag cocomment ka sa mga Instagram photos ko that you miss me. Pero knowing you, alam ko na echos mo lang yan. So ayaw ko mag pahalata kaya minsan hindi ako nag rereply agad or hindi ko nirereply at all. Ganun lang talaga ako minsan, mabagal ako mag reply or minsan hindi ako nag rereply dahil sobra ako kinakabahan or wala na ako masabi dahil natatakot ako na mawalan ka sakin ng interest. Kaya sana wag mo isipin na hindi ako interesado sayo.

Then when I was back in London. Ikaw talaga una kong sinabihan na babalik ako. Buti na lang din naka leave ka from work, at nagawa mo pa talaga isipin na lumbas at mag out of town tayo kahit one day lang.

See! You’re that special to me, na pag nagyaya ka, mag aabsent or mag fifile agad ako ng leave sa work.

We went to Canterbury kahit one day lang. I swear you bring out the good in me.

I used to be maldita, impatient and cranky. Pero when I’m with you, I’m at peace. You were so maasikaso and sobrang bait. I don’t even know why pero hindi tayo nauubusan ng topic and I found everything about you funny.

Kaya then and there alam kong hulog na ako sayo. Despite the fact palagi ang kwento mo about sa mga EX and flings mo.

Everything about that day is so perfect and how I wish maulit muli. Don din kita mas nakilala lalo. We are so different and sobrang opposite natin. You are a minimalist, whereas I want some extravagant. You like cooking, I don’t. You like taking photos, I like being IN the photo. Hahaha. But our difference, didn’t put me off, kasi yung pagka opposite natin, is yung flaws ng isat-isa, at hindi yung opposite na mag clash.

I also found out wala kang bisyo. You don’t smoke or drink. And since youre a nurse, health conscious ka. You’re so organise and tidy. You keep yourself busy with hobbies and not with other girls. Parang ang swerte ko naman kung ako ang magiging asawa. Wala ako kailangan intindihan at problemahin.

Then before that special day end, you posted our photo of us in your IG. Which we both knew, na our families and friends will question.

Sobrang saya at kilig ko, nung tinext mo ako ng nakauwi ka, and your family started asking you about our “date”. Sayo pa talaga ng galing yung word na “date”.

Fast forward, niyaya kita mag cine. To be honest, im not a fan of Ocean 8 movie. Its not even my cup of tea, pero there you are ready and organized. Again you managed to book everything and even our food.

Seems like normal to you pero para sakin, feel ko ang special ko.

When I was in London na for second time, halos araw-araw tayo nag uusap. We keep each other updated almost every day.

I tried to make you jealous when me and C went clubbing. Kaso parang nag-asta “kuya” ka lang at nag bilin na mag ingat.

Hindi ko na mapigilan, I have to tell C what I feel about you. She was over the moon (buti pa siya) she keep telling me to tell you how I feel pero im conservative. I like you a lot but I’m not going to pursue you, especially sa status ko at work.

Pero nung bumalik ka na sa trabaho, hindi na halos tayo nag uusap. Then I have to leave the country again and fly to HongKong.

Hindi ka na masyado nag memessage sakin. Iniisip ko na lang na talagang hindi ka sanay sa puyatan, at sa umaga naman busy ka sa trabaho. Pero everytime nag uusap tayo, I tried to give you hints. Kaso its either you’re dense or I’m really shit sa pag bbgay ng hints.

Siguro talaga hindi pa time para satin. Pero sana pag okay na lahat. DUmating yung panahon na pwede na, sana pwde parin tayong dalawa.

Pasensya ka na kung hindi ko kaya ipag tapat sayo or sabihin sayo na gusto kita. Hindi ko kaya at ayaw ko sayangin kung anu meron satin ngayon. You are very special to me and despite the fact that I keep calling you Kuya, just because palagi mo ako pinagsasabihan sa gastusin ko. You will always be someone close to my heart.

Sana, I’m confused with my feelings with you na lang. Na sana lonely lang ako at hindi inlove para hindi ako ganun masaktan pag nakahanap ka ng taong mamahalin mo at mamahalin ka.

Although, right now, I’ll continue to grab every opportunities and work towards my goals. Since, you’re doing well din both sa work and hobbies mo.

Then maybe one day, just maybe pag sabi ni God na eto na ang tamang panahon satin dalawa, I’ll make sure to grab that opportunity and not let go. After all, the people that are meant to be in your life will gravitate back no matter what.