I just want to share my relationship that was recently ended. It wasn’t a long one, we only lasted for 10 months.
It was a hell of a roller coaster ride! First month pa lang I should’ve known not to pursue the relationship but I chose to accept him completely and I chose to trust.
First month, days pa lang he decided na mag cool off kami, it was the day pa before my birthday dahil madami daw siyang problema na dapat muna ayusin, but luckily enough he came back the day of my birthday. So, I was thinking maybe madami nga lang talaga siyang pinagdadaanan.
Well, that goes on for months.. magiging kami, tapos hindi, that’s when I started to overthink na baka may iba? Bakit hindi ako ganun kamahal? But I am accepting him with open arms everytime na babalik siya.
We’ve been stable for 6 months, that’s after we became okay nung malaman ko na may iba siyang girl na inaaya makipagkita dahil namomroblema siya. I was unavailable that day so he looked for a substitute, once again pinatawad at tinanggap ko siya. Even that fact na yung girl pa mismo ang nagchat sa akin, “Pagsabihan mo yang boyfriend mo!”. After that day, I wanted him to reassure me palagi na ako lang, na di na siya hahanap ng iba, that’s when I started to overthink.
Everytime, nafifeel ko na nalalayo siya I was thinking na baka merong iba, pag magkausap kami halos wala siyang masabi, sabi nya ganun lang siya, while in the back of my mind–baka may ibang kachat. He never gave me gifts, which I requested kahit kako tigbebente lang twing monthsary namin but he never once remembered to give me anything–baka di ako ganun ka-importante, he never posted about me sa account nya–baka kasi makita ng ibang girl na ka-usap nya. All of those were the thoughts that I was so guilty holding in, knowing that I was just overthinking. I trusted him, sabi nya mahal niya ko e.
Until recently he received a new phone, ang bungad niya gawan ko siya ng bagong account dahil napagtripan ng Barkada yung account niya. Well, ang saya ko! Ako pa gagawa, alam ko ang password e di wala talagang tinatago ang mahal ko. But i realized ako lang ang kachat nya sa account na yun, and he unfriended me in his recent account, i started to overthink again and asked him, ‘baka may iba na makakakita ng messenger nya na ayaw niya na makita ko?’, ‘baka may ibang kasama siya na nagchecheck ng messenger niya?’, ‘baka may kasama na siyang iba sa bahay nila?’–ang sagit niya? “Ngayon pa ba ko magloloko? Ano ko baliw?”. So ako makakapante na sa simpleng salita niya na yun.
It was one sleepless night that I kept thinking bakit wala ako sa Facebook niya?bakit ako nakablock sa Messenger niya? I know, it was God who gave me wisdom to try to open His account and I luckily did! Nanginginig buong katawan ko to read all those chats sa ibang babae, three or four of them I think. I confronted him about it, at siya pa nagalit, barkada daw niya may chat sa mga yun! But i never believed, ganun na ganun mga chat nya sa akin noong may gana pa siya na kausap ako. ‘Ayos lang ba na may baby ko?’, as he is a single dad, ‘di na kami magiging okay ng mom ng anak ko’, ‘magsend ka nga ng tiktok mo’ ‘send ka naman ng pics mo’..all of those words na di na sinasabi sa akin, plus tons of video calls..so I decided maghiwalay na kami. Siya pa nagalit. “Ayoko ng ganto na puro hinala ka, kayanin mo, dahil gusto mo yan!”.
Did he ever love me? Kahit ganyan ang nangyari, sa isip ko kung babalik siya kami na talaga, sasabihan ko siya na pag nag overthink nanaman ako please wag na niya ko papakawalan ulit. And He did came back, admitting na he did chatted those girls, umiiyak pa siya so I can’t help but to accept him again. Pumayag siya na iblock ko ibang kachat nya, but I know may isa pa na di ko nabloblock dahil di siya mapakali na hawak ko pa cellphone niya. So I stalked again, and found a girl na may deleted conversation. I messaged the girl using my account, saying “10 months na kami, please if pinopormahan siya ng bf ko wag na niya rereplyan.” I was asking mag ano sila, but the girl only asked if bago lang kami, and she said okay sa chat ko. That’s one way of admitting na sila right?, Di naman niya sinabi na naku, friends lang po kami..nung sinabi ko na i also blocked and chatted this girl, that’s when he blew off his anger, na kakaayos lang daw namin ganun na, after I accepted him kahit matagal na pala akong niloloko, siya pa nakipaghiwalay ulit same day just because of that girl. Sira na daw kami at di na siya masaya I think it was the girl who gave him his new cellphone, the girl na pinupuntahan niya pag sinasabi nya na pumupunta sila sa gf ng kuya niya, that’s the time when he wont text me till morning. I suddenly realized all those things and gave him up.
Story of my life! All I did was love him completely with no deceit. I am loyal as possible that I don’t want to meet with my guy friends dahil ayoko na may maisip siya. And there he was chatting not one but five girls, and loving somebody else.
Lesson learned, when girls Overthink it could be God’s wisdom telling them to trust their intuitions. Don’t trust too much especially when you’re feeling that something’s not right. (Or ako lang ang ka-ganito uto-uto).
Well if you’re reading this, know that I don’t regret meeting you because I learned a lot. I. Hope you’ll find that girl na magiging enough para sayo.
For me, I hope someday someone will value me at sasabihin na sapat ako. Yung ipagsisigawan sa buong mundo na proud siya na naging girlfriend niya ko. This is my prayer.
Dear Lord,
Please heal my heart that is beyond repair right now 🥺. Teach me not to hold any anger inside my heart. Teach me to forgive. Teach me to learn to trust again 💔. Give me a new heart. Prepare me for the next chapter of my life. May there be less pain and may I find real happiness. Give me someone who could value me and see my worth. Someone who could shout to the World how proud he is for having me. May he be faithful to You so that He can be faithful to me as well. Lead me to the man who would lead me closer to You. A man who fears you. A man that is after your own heart. I love you, Lord. Thanks for being on my side. Thanks for revealing me the truth. Now I can be free from deceit. Teach me to love and respect myself once more 🥺. Amen.
